Season One: 1 through 12
101  – Pilot (22)
You know, Mercedez makes an SUV now; big back seat, it's great! Suprisingly affordable too. Michael Westen
You guarantee security for the Nembe Oil Field. No Fires. No Explosions. Nobody falls into a swamp and gets eaten by an alligator… yea, I mean crocodile. Michael Westen
You're a lucky man. That many bruises and somebody would think you fell under a truck. Fiona Glenanne
Fi, why don't you go run interference for me? Please. Make one of those scenes of yours, you know, bite one of 'em, set the other on fire! Michael Westen
What am I, your complaint hot-line? Lucy Chen
You know spies. A bunch of bitchy little girls. Good news for you (though) I'm a drunk and a washout already so I can talk to anyone I want – burned or no. Sam Axe
Right, "I'm desparate, please don't make my son an orphan," I got it. Michael Westen
You're the real Michael Westen, Yes? Back home, your the story Russian intelligence tells to scare. They say you're one name for many people – special operations team. They think one person cannot make so much problems. Oleg
We were nothing alike! Mom, everything I did antagonized him. Being alive antagonized him. Everything I did was a reason for him to slap me around. Michael Westen
I need you to know something. I'll follow this wherever it leads. I finish what I start. We do it my way. No questions, got it? Michael Westen
Tanning is an art AND a science Mike! Sam Axe
I'm in the service industry – that's what I do, I help! Barry Burkowski
This isn't your Mom! I just spent three hours with the FBI discussing your little present. They wondered why somebody was sending me a pipe bomb with no explosives in it. Dan Siebels
You're on all the FBI watch lists. You go anywhere, they're all over you. Whoever did this wants you on ice, you leave Miami you heat up fast. We're talking man-hunt, police in every state. Dan Siebels
Look, some of us are still on your side. You pull another stunt like this though and I won't be one of 'em. Dan Siebels
I haven't worked this hard for so little money since Afghanistan. But at least there my mother wasn't calling me thirty times a day! Thank you for giving her my number! Michael Westen
Any thoughts as to why you're so unpopular? Why didn't they just Kill ya? Fiona Glenanne
Listen Fi. There's a few things I'm good at: tactical analysis, hand-to-hand combat, I'm a decent cook; but, relationships are just not my thing. They never were. Michael Westen
A spy is just a criminal with a government paycheck. Fiona Glenanne
Don't go thinking you've got nothing to loose. You've got friends. Youve got family. Agent Harris
Sam, don't sprinkle sugar on this bull and call it candy! Michael Westen
Just remember who still helped you when you were down. Me. Barry. That's who. I gave you love. You remember? Barry Burkowski
102  – Identity (6)
I came by for a visit – the door was locked – so I broke in. Fiona Glenanne
You're gonna' get us out of here. I'm not going back to jail. So if those cops even look at me we'll see how many slugs I can put through your liver before they take me down. I got $20 bucks on 4, you wanna' take the over or the unda'. Michael Westen
No, wiring crap into a car is not an art. It's about as subtle as hitting someone with a brick. Sam Axe
Everything's going to be fine… he used to be a secret agent! Fiona Glenanne
The men came to the house… they asked if we were close… I told them that you were the perfect son… that you always wrote me. You called me all the time. That the most important thing to you was family. I told them that and they wrote it down… I don't know Michael, I just seemed nicer than the truth. Madeline Westen
Fiona you were supposed to stop the car, not blow it into the everglades! What happened to shorting the ignition? Michael Westen
103  – Fight or Flight (4)
One mountain a day Michael. That's what my Yoga teacher says. Madeline Westen
Fun? I remember him making me fake a seizure in Mr. Goodwrench so he could steal spark plugs. I remember him quitting every project early and handing me a to-do list to finish the job for him. Michael Westen
Well, I'll tell you what. If there's a situation that requires showing off your upper body and boozy flirting – you're my guy. Michael Westen
I know how you feel. Michael would change his identity and disappear just to get out of a parking ticket. But, in this case he's right. Fiona Glenanne
104  – Old Friends (6)
You see Mike, these are the important things in life. This is what you miss when you're running around the world with a satellite phone and a gun. Sam Axe
Mom said you've got this thing going – helping people. Nate Westen
Believe me Michael, if it's one thing I know how to do it's to get a guy to leave a bar. Fiona Glenanne
Do you think I could convince your Checz assassin to switch targets? Sam is bigger, slower, easier to hit. Fiona Glenanne
Come on, the way you are yelling you'd think I was pulling a GD cannonball out of your shoulder. Nate Westen
Sam: I mean I'm covering for you but if I loose my pension you're gonna be changing my diapers when I'm 95 and drooling.
Mike: Sam, I'd never let that happen – I'd smother you with a pillow first. Sam Axe
105  – Family Business (8)
Lying in a crumpled heap in an airport parking lot, how does that pay? Michael Westen
Well… glitchy's my specialty Mike! Sam Axe
I know a gun runner when I see one… they're my people. Fiona Glenanne
Every other retired spook is an arms dealer. Not a bad gig, if you can stand ex-spooks. Fiona Glenanne
Ok… where do I find those "fluids?" Sam Axe
Since they're probably planning on killing you if you say anything else… I'd suggest saying "yes." Michael Westen
I'm not saying you're gonna like it… I'm just saying you're gonna kiss me. Sam Axe
I didn't know you were arrested so many times, you know that dad kept notes? On paper you were a bigger screw up than me! Nate Westen
106  – Unpaid Debts (6)
You wanted attention from someone a little higher up on the food chain. It's your lucky day – here I am. Agent Jason Bly
Two grand each, cash on delivery… free gator steaks in it for ya, best in the everglades. Virgil Watkins
We noticed suspicious activity on your phone line so we took care of it for you. Alas you won't have phone service for a while. Agent Jason Bly
I don't mind, really. I'd never get to see Michael at all if he didn't bring his friends over. Madeline Westen
Oh with Virgil? He lives in a beat up trailer, half of his meals come from road kill. Michael Westen
Well I'll just get the boat fixed up and go down to the Bahamas for awhile. You're sure you're not just trying to keep me away from your sweet mama? Virgil Watkins
107  – Broken Rules (7)
Bullets don't bounce off my skin, Ernie! Michael Westen
Adjusting to your circumstances is a process. It's natural for there to be some grieving, some anger, some denial. Involving your friends and family is an important part of adjusting. Agent Jason Bly
Oh, I don't know Mike organized crime is a pain in the ass. There's a reason that I didn't become a Fed. Sam Axe
I'm prepared to offer you a full time job at a bank! … A new life as a private citizen. A spook no more. Agent Jason Bly
Good call. You're going to like being a security guard. You get to brush up on your reading, and… well, you get to brush up on your reading. Agent Jason Bly
The retirement party for Michael Westen. I love it. I should have brought you a gold watch. Agent Jason Bly
Fi, do you remember when we were together? We were profoundly unhappy, I still have scars to prove it, see: Dublin… Germany! I just can't do that anymore. … No. As unhappy as we were, I dont thing there's anyone I could be with that would make me happier than you. And I don't know if that's good enough. Michael Westen
108  – Wanted Man (7)
You could do that (kill me)… but then you'd have to deal with Fiona… more trouble than it's worth – trust me! Michael Westen
Fiona likes to test relationships with the emotional equivalent of artillery fire. Michael Westen
Come on Fi, it's not every day that you get to read a fictional account of your whole life. Apparently I sold secrets in Lebanon and code breaking technology in Jordon – who knew? Michael Westen
Yea – I work a job, buy a snow globe. Some people say I'm sentimental. Fiona Glenanne
Oh, well, you know Mike. He's not gonna' call and make an appointment. Sam Axe
Mike: You've been talking to Fi
Sam: If by 'talking' to Fi you mean "listening" to Fi – then, yea. Sam Axe
Fi: I know a few Iranians who are coming into town.
Mike: Oooh, lets avoid people who use "Michael Westen" and "jihad" in the same sentence! Michael Westen
109  – Hard Bargain (2)
Mike: He heard that she had a boyfriend who could help?
Sam: I was vague. I said I was a freelance, superhero, Robin Hood kind-a-guy.
Mike: That's vague? Sam Axe
That's a job, housesitter? … Ok, so do you need an application for that? Sam Axe
110  – False Flag (3)
The last time you said that, you left for ten years Michael! Madeline Westen
Admit it Michael, you need me. You don't even have your own hairpin. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: How's my mom?
Sam: Locked up tight with a cigarette and a shotgun – ready to kill anything that comes through the door. Sam Axe
111  – Loose Ends 1 (Dead Drop) (11)
Damn straight, skippy! Sam Axe
[He tried to kill you] Happens all the time, don't worry about it. Especially with the part-time help on 'easy' jobs. Michael Westen
Sam: Well, it looks like your buddy Cowan finally made contact. You want me to come with, back you up?
Mike: Sure. Bring your bucket of fat.
Sam: I'll bring my chicken too. Sam Axe
Look, it's ok. I'm like a doctor, or a lawyer – well not a lawyer; but, the point is, you can tell me whatever you want just between the two of us. Sam Axe
Mike: What is it that you think I do mom? Do you think I'm playing games here?
Madeline: No, but we're your family Michael. I'm asking that you trust us.
Mike: And when would I have learned how to do that?
Madeline: Sometimes trust is something that you work on. Madeline Westen
Get yourself some furniture. I didnt raise you to live in a warehouse and eat off a bench! Madeline Westen
I always find my hand shakes after a run like that – any advantage I can get; well, you know, can't be too careful. Phillip Cowan
Mike: I'm not here to kill you.
Cowan: Really? I've slept with a gun under my pillow every night since I heard you were hunting for me. To hear you say that now, it's almost disappointing. Phillip Cowan
Mike: You tried to have me killed!
Cowan: Nothing personal. You'd do the same in my position. Phillip Cowan
You think this is about me? One man watched you, targeted you, burned you, froze your accounts, cut off your travel – one guy did all that? And then he decided to come to Miami and explain himself. Phillip Cowan
The people I work for, they have plans for you… powerful, dangerous people – and man are they upset with me. I misread you Michael. I didn't expect you to buck quite so much. You're making everyone nervous. Phillip Cowan
112  – Loose Ends 2 (16)
Madeline: You were gone for a long time Michael – you were the one who left us.
Nate: And you still got the car. Nate Westen
Mike: Thank you Nate. I just… you know…
Nate: No, don't talk like that. You're not good at it. But, the next time I ask you for twenty-bucks for gas remember this. Nate Westen
Look man, if something happens to you then mom is on my ass forever. All right, and not to get into your business but it seems like you could use the help. Nate Westen
I know how to loose a tail. I hate to break it to you but spies aren't the only people with enemies. Nate Westen
Mike: Did you ditch 'em?
Nate: Oh yea. I drove around little Haiti for an hour, out to out to Virginia Key and back, I mean it was a bitch and a half; but, unless they've got invisible helicopters, I lost them. Nate Westen
Nate: Don't worry. I ditched that car, picked up a new one.
Madeline: Uh huh, stole it!
Nate: It was like a fifteen year old Pontiac ma, I did the guy a favor takin' it. Nate Westen
Mike: This isn't just about following me any more, they want to bring me in.
Madeline: Who? Who is it that…
Mike: I don't know! Covert intelligence agencies don't call you up and tell you why they're hunting you! Michael Westen
Barry: You want me to put you in touch with a heroin dealer? Look heroin, I'm allergic to it. Don't need to touch it, don't need to see it, I think about it I get, like, hives. Heroin dealers? Seriously.
Mike: It's not a favor.
Barry: No, it's not. Favors don't get you killed. I give you a name, it gets back, we're in a very face down in the river situation.
Mike: I'm not asking Barry. We're friends or we're enemies here.
Barry: Well, if you put it that way. Barry Burkowski
Madeline: I don't care if it's not safe I'm not leaving you. Michael, I'm not afraid.
Mike: I know you're not afraid – but I am. Madeline Westen
He's an importer, he sells to your competition. I put him out of business and it's a win for both of us. AND, if you don't do what I want, I will rain Hell down upon you until one of us is dead and I'm really, really good at raining down Hell. Michael Westen
Glad you like it. Is that why you're here? Put a bomb in my club, so you can drink my champagne? Carmelo Dante
Do yourself a favor. Don't let me see you again. You take care of this guy, you stay out of my way, we're good. If I ever see your face again I'll kill you, bomb or no bomb. Carmelo Dante
Tell me something. Why is it, if you're the responsible one, every time you run off and you do your spy thing I gotta pick up the pieces? Nate Westen
I like this. You coming to me for help, it… it feels good. It's like a fresh thing for us. You know? Nate Westen
You're a spy Michael. Why don't you just lie? That's what spies do, you know? Fiona Glenanne
I was never good at taking orders Sam. That's why you were a soldier and I was a spy. Michael Westen
Season Two: 13 through 28
201  – Breaking and Entering (14)
Don't call it a job – call it a favor. Carla
Comfortable? I wouldn't go that far. Mike, how do you fit in these little shirts? They're like doll clothes. Sam Axe
She said her name was Carla, besides that it was just 'go steal the stuff for us or else." Why do they even need us? I mean, if they're blowing up planes they've got guys! Jimmy
I'm just sayin'. I can count on one hand the number of buddies who would stage an armed assult to save my butt. Ok? You got Mike… you got… The point is Michael's the kinda guy who's got your back. Sam Axe
So you're saying that went WELL?!!!!! Jimmy
I found your phone in the glove compartment of the Charger… I assumed it was yours, you go through those things like they were toothpicks! Madeline Westen
(That operative) was a freelancer – I don't think he'll be answering newspaper ads for a while. Carla
I'm your 'girl consultant' now? When did I sign up for that job? Fiona Glenanne
Ok, forget it. I've got lots of other friends with ovaries – I got you… Sam Axe
Ow… I think I sprained my body! Jimmy
All these years you wondered why I didn't call, why I didn't come home. This is why ma, I never wanted this for you. I'm sorry. Michael Westen
Man, I don't know how to thank you – you want my car? It's a SAAB, convertible. I gotta leave the country and you're stuck working for 'them' – I don't who has it better? Jimmy
I'll always care about you Michael. And I'll still help you with your thing and you'll still help me with mine; but, we can't be together. Fiona Glenanne
Hello Michael. I just wanted to call now that you're done with our little project. See how that worked out? He's happy, we're happy, you're happy – we want to make this arrangement work. Carla
202  – Turn and Burn (8)
Mike, look, I did a little pre-scouting – I mean, I knew he was packin,' I didn't know he had a Mac-10 I thought it was like a 'regular' gun. Sam Axe
Tell Mike it's not personal, ok? Last time I saw him there was this kind of: 'do this for me or we're enemies for life' thing. It scared me a little. Barry Burkowski
You're talking about Nefzi. You don't want to deal with him, trust me. He's the 'go-to' guy for all the hard core stuff: fake money for coke deals, counterfeit pass keys for bank robberies - stull that gets people killed. Plus, he's the most arrogant SOB in South Florida… nasty – if he brings out the electrodes, better leave. Barry Burkowski
Ugly is good – we can work with ugly! Michael Westen
Michael, I'm at the counselors. You missed our appointment. They have a very strict cancellation policy here – it's worse than the airlines! Madeline Westen
Every puppy starts out chewing the furniture Michael. Eventually they learn. Carla
Every year Michael calls me on my birthday. About eight years ago he forgot. I was very upset. I never understood why he didn't – communicate. Madeline Westen
Mom, what I did while I was away, I don't like to talk about; but, if you want to spend time together, we can do that. We can take a pottery class together. Michael Westen
203  – Trust Me (4)
No, technically this is just trespassing – one perk of being burned. My crimes are crimes not acts of war. Michael Westen
I wanna do this because this guy, Andy, chose to put somebody he loved before himself. Fiona Glenanne
You want me to make 200 grand just poof, appear in a numbered account? Michael, I'm good but you just can't 'will' that kinda money into existence. Barry Burkowski
Fiona is a wonderful girl; but, if it's not meant to be. I just worry about you, that's all. I don't want to give up the idea that you'll find someone. I want you to have a family of your own. It's not about me, it's about you. Life is hard if you have to live it alone and having kids just makes the ride more fun. Madeline Westen
204  – Comrades (14)
What can I say Mike, the guy ate like it was his last meal. And the liquor – I mean, I've had gunshot wounds hurt less than this hangover! Sam Axe
Ivan: Who are you? CIA?
Sam: CI-what? No, no. See they're only allowed to operate on foreign soil. So just think of me as "uncle" – Uncle Sam. Sam Axe
You know the difference between big fish and little fish? When big fish get caught they get cooked, eaten. When little fish are caught they get thrown back in the lake to swim away; unless, they piss off Mr. Fisherman. I'm offering you a chance to swim away… it's better for both of us really… cause if you don't accept it, ooh, it's a lot of paperwork for me and a dark little room for you. Sam Axe
I've got nuclear secrets out of KGB agents with less time and money. Good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead! Sam Axe
Don't look at me like I'm crazy, alright, the last time I saw, you were being chased by guys with guns. And by the way, I never got so much as a phone call from you to let me know things were cool. I just figured you wouldn't leave me twisting in the wind in Fort Lauderdale after I risked my ass for you. Nate Westen
There's always an angle? Maybe I'm just changing my life, did you think of that? You blew up my truck. You got me shot at. You had me hide mom. That's the kinda thing that gets a guy to step back and make a few changes. Nate Westen
Mike: How's he doing?
Fiona: Like an altar boy. He even asked me to use the stun gun on him again.
Mike: With a gag in his mouth?
Fiona: He has expressive eyes! Everyone can use a few thousand volts now and then – it clears the mind. Fiona Glenanne
Mike, this guy is Gulag tough, I've seen the type. After a month, when he's been in isolation so long that he's howling at the moon, you know, maybe… Sam Axe
(After seeing Fiona slug Mike and slugging him himself) What? Just trying to be a team player! Nate Westen
Nate: Katia! I know, and Michael's my brother and I can't stand the guy sometimes; but he's good at what he does. If he say's this is the right thing to do, then this is the right thing to do. It's gonna' be alright.
Madeline: I was in the hall and heard what you said about your brother. It was so sweet.
Nate: Yea, it was wasn't it? But would he do the same for me? Nate Westen
I've seen the bad boys of the USDA destroy people Harvey, and believe me, it's not pretty! Sam Axe
Michael, your brother is trying. Please, you sent him off to Fort Lauderdale and left him there for weeks. I mean, what is that some kind of covert operations thing or just a lousy way to treat your brother? Madeline Westen
Madeline: Michael, it isn't just about what you do. It's about what you say too. He cares what you think too, more than you know. Do you know what his first word was? It was Michael.
Mike: It was juice. I was there. His first word was juice.
Madeline: Well he was looking right at you when he said it. You know what he meant. You were his hero. Madeline Westen
Michael please, I know that Nate's had his problems. But you know when it all first started? I mean when he first got into really serious trouble? It was right after you left. Give him a chance. Madeline Westen
205  – Scatter Point (3)
Assault and battery, assault and battery, assault with a deadly weapon! Her (Kandi) and Fiona would have a good time… or… you know, kill each other. Sam Axe
Mike: I was just one number away from the combination.
Fiona: The last one's always the same: C-4. It's always just easier to blow it. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona, I'm trying to come up with a gift. Something that says: I love you but I can't marry you… and not to expensive. Sam Axe
206  – Bad Blood (8)
Carla wanted to leave a harder clue for the crossword, you know how she loves these things; but, I was worried it would go right over your head. Victor Stecker-Epps
Careful! The last man who insulted me had to fish pieces of his tongue out of a garbage disposal – I'm kidding. Sit. Victor Stecker-Epps
You can think of me as a wrangler. I make sure the bronco's don't buck too much, wander from the pen, that kind of thing. Victor Stecker-Epps
Uhmm, Carla said you might be difficult. You see mike, the people we work for, they're into the whole carrot and stick thing, and… I'm the stick. Victor Stecker-Epps
Yea, and the next day you do the Michael Westen thing and stuff starts exploding and everyone says: hey Barry, wasn't that guy a friend of yours. Sorry, no can do. Barry Burkowski
Barry: To get someone to vouch for you, put him in the room with you – why don't we say five grand. Promise nothing will happen to him, maybe I can do three.
Mike: Five it is. Barry Burkowski
Ooh, are these your gansta's? This is cool, am I gonna get whacked? I'm hip hoppin' now man… look at me! Sam Axe
Madeline: Sam, didn't you forget something? Ooh, looks like bullets.
Sam: Nine millimeter – I dont know what to say.
Mike: I'd say nothing, nothing's good – go with nothing! Madeline Westen
207  – Rough Seas (11)
Come on, what's a few bullets? Virgil Watkins
[I've never heard of him] Because everyone he's worked with is dead… he's everywhere… if the devil had a name it would be: Chuck Finley. Michael Westen
You know Mike? If you had to have a step-dad, you could do worse. Sam Axe
Fiona, keep jackass company. He'll like you. He's attracted to shiny objects. Seymour
Sam: Ok then, what about Gerta from East Berlin? You remember her?
Virgil: I wanted to invade the Soviet Bloc in 1983 just for her. Virgil Watkins
Sam: It wouldn't hurt to talk to her Mike. Mike: Um, it could. It could hurt a little… It could hurt a lot! Michael Westen
Listen Mike, I didn't bring enough underwear so I borrowed a set of your boxers – blue with stripes. Virgil Watkins
I deal in everything. Guns so people can shoot each other, medicine to get 'em ready for round two. Even Somali warlords need Penicillin my friend. Sam Axe
Yea, yea, right, I'll make some calls. But first you gotta have a fruit smoothie; because if you wanna be a bad ass you gotta eat healthy right? Common I made 'em just for you… he doesn't like fruits?… I thought: You and me, bad asses – yea! Seymour
[How's Mike?] Fine, I wish they'd smack him around a little. I had to tell my date that I got food poisoning… I don't want him dead just bruised. Fiona Glenanne
No, No, No, No, No – Jackass dont shoot you'll blow us all up! Seymour
208  – Double Booked (28)
Larry! Correct me if I'm wrong; but, you're dead. Michael Westen
I come bearing gifts… a buddy of mine pulled it in exchange for some "Sam Time." Not all of my buddies are guys! Sam Axe
(You look great) You too Larry, very youthful. Still drinking the blood of children? Sam Axe
Sam: Just checking in? He's got a weird thing for you.
Mike: That's because he doesn't have any friends.
Sam: That's because he's killed most of 'em Mike! Sam Axe
I wanna pay you a lot a money… to kill a lady. Larry Sizemore
I know you're angry Mike, but you gotta know who your friends are. It wasn't ol' Lar who chewed you up and spit you out. It was the government. Larry Sizemore
Oh, please, come on, you went off the reservation kid! Unauthorized kills, selling secrets – I read the Michael Westen dossier that's floating around out there. Larry Sizemore
You know what I thought? Finally the kid wakes up. Finally the kid gets it! They put us out there. They tell us the end justifies the means and sooner or later you believe 'em. Larry Sizemore
I'm a weapon baby. I don't need some government aiming me. I put people down. I put some cash in my pocket, so what? Hey, I'm behind you in this Michael. Believe that! Larry Sizemore
Mike: Murder for hire? Civilians!
Larry: Don't pretend you're some kinda boy scout Michael, I know better.
Mike: I don't know about this thing. It's a slippery slope.
Larry: Well, slippery slopes can be kinda fun, like water slides. Larry Sizemore
Larry: Jeannie Anderson, she is our 'dead-ee', heh, heh, that's my term. It's trademarked.
Mike: She looks dangerous.
Larry: Hey, some people live – some people die kid. Larry Sizemore
Larry: Oh, I can't tell you that. All my deals are anonymous, everything is email, there's no mess that way.
Mike: Yea, except for the killing.
Now the whole Idea here is that you will do this one solo. That way you can re-establish some kinda trust with me. And if everything works out well, maybe we can work together again. Make some money. Come on, it's not like you couldn't use a little cash to buy some of the luxuries in life; like, hey, furniture – more protein. Larry Sizemore
Oh, and Michael, I just wanna tell ya what I tell all my clients: keep your nose clean. If a cop comes within a mile of this I kill everybody. And you know me, I mean everybody! Larry Sizemore
Campbell: It's great to meet ya man. Fiona tells me that you're a soil scientist.
Mike: Yes, Yes, I love my dirt.
Fifteen people watched Larry walk into an oil refinery right before it blew up – apparently, it was his way of taking early retirement. Michael Westen
Well I can put you in the same room with her; but, I'm not telling her she's marked for death – that's your job. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, ok? Don't scream.
Jeannie: Who are you?
Mike: I'm Michael. I'm here because someone was hired to kill you.
Mike: Me. Ok, but I'm not going to. Alright. I'm on your side. I don't do that. Understand? Michael Westen
Madeline: Michael, what happened to you?
Mike: I'm fine, I'm fine. I just fell down at work.
Madeline: This! This, see? This is the thing I cannot deal with. Alright? This WALL that you put up! Do you have any idea how hard it is to have an honest exchange with you when you're 'withholding' like this?
Mike: Are you reading a book or something?
Madeline: I'm seeing a counselor Michael, and he's pretty sure youre the one who has the problems! Madeline Westen
Mike: Thats, a lot of bodies!
Larry: Oh, come one. Are you gonna stand there and tell me that you don't have the same impulse? I Know how you used to look at people when they betrayed us. When their stupidity disappointed us. Come on. I know that look. Larry Sizemore
Sam: The cops will never hear your name if Jeannie lives Larry.
Larry: Well, I guess the baby bird has gotta leave the nest some time. Your call kid. BUT, if being a softie turns around and bites you in the ass, I will be here – to say: told ya so! Larry Sizemore
You know, the last guy who cost me a bunch a money didn't tell me about it with a smile on his face. Larry Sizemore
Sounds like another play from Carla's 'Do-what-we-say-or-we'll-ruin-your-life playbook.' Sam Axe
[He's no Campbell though] Who is? He's the only boyfriend I've ever had who comes with his own ambulance. Fiona Glenanne
You knew that kid was dead anyway, why didn't you take the shot?… Let's face it, you couldn't bring yourself to shoot your old friend. Hey kid, some people live, some people die, see ya around. Larry Sizemore
Madeline: Vision? You couldn't come up with five real things? He doesn't think I've ever done five things for him – in his life! I was a terrible mother. No wonder you ran away!
Mike: No I didn't. I joined the military when I was seventeen. My dad signed the form, he couldn't wait to get me out of the house.
Madeline: I signed the form. I forged his name! He would never let you go into the military.
Mike: Why didn't you tell me?
Madeline: Because I didn't want to take away the one thing that you were greatful to your father for. I would have if I have known MY list was so short. Madeline Westen
Mike: You forged dad's name? Why?
Madeline: Because I knew if you didn't leave you'd end up in jail – or worse. There's always been a part of you Michael, maybe it's from your father I don't know, you could of turned out different. I let you go because you needed to focus on something good.
Mike: Mom… thank you. Madeline Westen
Sam: Wow! He looks grumpier than you do when you're going to meet Carla.
Mike: She hasn't had me kill anyone yet! Sam Axe
209  – Good Soldier (6)
Hey, Mike. What are you seeing up there? A mastermind petting a Persian cat? Sam Axe
Do you want to hear a funny story about my divorce? (yes) Me too! Michael Westen
You know what? I'm gonna frame this… well maybe I'll break this up into smaller bills and frame one of them. Nate Westen
Sam: Are you going to argue with the man who just planted a tracker on your handler?
Mike: Sam, I could kiss you.
Sam: Get in line! Sam Axe
To surveillance! Ya gotta love it when you tail a person to a place that makes a good Mojito. Sam Axe
Don't you see I'm not afraid? I'm not afraid any more. I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm free. Michael Westen
210  – Do No Harm (9)
Mike: Is that all? I've got someplace to go.
Carla: Oh yes, your side job. Say "Hi" to all the desperate little people for me, huh? Carla
He's got an idea, see I knew it. I knew he'd come through. He hits me in the mouth a couple of times then he gets an idea! Sam Axe
Campbell: We need to talk. Look, Fiona you're a great girl. You're exciting and you're passionate. I just don't think I can take this.
Campbell: Look you and Mike, I know you have a history. He's your boyfriend, not me. I'm the guy you fool around with and you borrow ambulances from – He's the most important thing in your life. Campbell
It's worth a try! The enemy of my enemy, could be my friend. Michael Westen
I poison all my yogurts, in case you came by! Michael Westen
Sam: This is insane. You're raising this guys hope not to mention you were almost killed. You got surveillance everywhere, your brothers in jail, you got plenty going on. Some guy walks in front of a bus.
Mike: I didn't make him walk in front of a bus Sam.
Sam: You were looking for this! I know you. If it wasn't this guy it would be somebody else walking down the street.
Mike: I'm running on fumes Sam. This is all I got. I can help this guy. Sam Axe
I'm flattered you think I'm that devious; but, I didn't blow myself up for your benefit! I want my brother out of jail! I want answers! I want my life back! Michael Westen
(Wearing a head-bag) Drugstores sell blindfolds now. Michael Westen
We don't want to loose our new operative and I'm assuming you don't want to loose your life. Carla
211  – Hot Spot (11)
(Revenge is a waste of time) Well so is watching TV and eating candy – you do it because it feels good! Fiona Glenanne
Come on Mikey. When was the last time you did what regular people do? Don't be afraid, I'll be right there with you. Fifty yard line, third row, beer in big plastic cups. Sam Axe
I work plenty hard lady! I just make it look easy. Sam Axe
Well "crazy" is what you want in a situation like this. Sam Axe
Hide? Oh, no, no, of course not! I just want you to be somewhere that no one can see ya. Sam Axe
I've seen you work. You do just fine with your hands tied. Carla
It's fine… if you didn't bring people over I'd never see you. Madeline Westen
Michael… Sometimes I forget how complicated your life is! Madeline Westen
Fiona: Where did he go?
Mike: Well, you know how it is with cover IDs, you become who you need to be.
Fiona: Then everyone gets to guess who you really are. Fiona Glenanne
Go ahead and talk, that's what phones are for… Get in the car? I'm new to Miami, but are most people that stupid here? Michael Westen
Is this come kind of a joke? From what I hear you have plenty of time to run around town playing 'dress up' with your friends but the best you can do for me is a needle in a haystack? … You're my idea Michael. Make no mistake, there are those who think you're more trouble than you're worth but I've convinced them that you're useful because you can find the bomber. What do you think will happen to you if you don't deliver? Michael it's time you focused on helping yourself or you're not going to be around to help anyone else. Carla
212  – Seek and Destroy (9)
What's the deal with this bomber? If we looked for everyone who tried to kill you, we'd do nothing else! Fiona Glenanne
I gotta tell ya, this corporate espionage stuff is kinda fun you know. There's no guns, no explosions, it's like going on the kiddie rides at the carnival. Sam Axe
What's this weird energy with Fi? … Oh, no, tell me you didn't. You did didn't you? You did! … how many times do you have to touch the flame until you figure out that it burns? Sam Axe
Security! You know I learned a thing or two from the last time you kicked his ass. When it comes to my personal security, I got to take care of things myself! Seymour
Ok, I'll front you, because I know you're good for it. But we are gonna have to be in constant dialog. You and me, badasses together. Seymour
Alright, jackass, you see how they just laid you out again? That is called teamwork people, and it is a beautiful thing. Seymour
You know what I mean? I bet you do. You and Fi, my G, a molten hot action couple. I can't even imagine what must be going on in that bedroom – zeee phkwewww! Right? Am I right? Seymour
So what's up with you two. You're not together anymore? … Different spaces! Gimme a break! As a practitioner of Thai Chi let me tell you something missy: Go with the flow, of the universe. Alright, it's destiny you two. Forces bigger than us. Don't argue with destiny. It will kick your ass – believe me. Seymour
Seymour: Here. It's a little, little something I had made, well it's in honor of our first operation together.
Fiona: Aw, matching throwing daggers. It's very thoughtful of you Seymour.
Seymour: And if you look at the engraving there – It means destiny. It's a symbol of your bond – of our bond actually, I made one for myself too. Seymour
213  – Bad Breaks (15)
At least I can get a good Mojito here. (No?) Ok Mike, this cancels out one of the times you saved my life – maybe two! Sam Axe
Let's go Fi – you're just annoyed that he called me first and not you! … But, what are you gonna do? Being Mike's first call is a big responsibility. Sam Axe
Look, it was a brief conversation. We didn't talk about shoes or movies either! Would you just place the explosives already? Sam Axe
Michael calls you to tell you to blow a hole in the wall of a bank – and you didn't think to ask: when? Fiona Glenanne
Yea, That's Great (Fi) – let's get Mike and the hostages killed because you have the attention span of a three-year-old. Sam Axe
Michael, I feel really bad about the whole tacky business with the wire – I mean don't get me wrong, I love how I look with a shaved chest… Barry Burkowski
This would be a good Michael Westen story – If, people were allowed to tell Michael Westen stories. Agent Jason Bly
(You never buy me lunch) There's no need Sam. You'll do almost anything for a three dollar beer. Michael Westen
(He's been complaining) Yea, and the squeaky wheel gets the surf-and-turf! I see see how this works. Sam Axe
I know, I know. But, sunshine, the beaches, those little Cuban pastries, come on I just couldn't let a blackmail threat keep me out of paradise. Agent Jason Bly
I'll be honest Michael, that file it kept me up at nights. So, imagine my joy when your friend showed up on my radar investigating some highly suspicious accounts for my old pal Michael Westen. Barry is the brick that I will tie around your neck before I throw you into that beautiful blue ocean over there. And, how deep you sink depends upon how quickly I get that blackmail file. Agent Jason Bly
Michael don't worry I packed you a bag with some clothes to wear. Uhmm, I have to say, for a tough guy you sure dress like an Easter egg. Agent Jason Bly
Hostage: You heard him if you attack this guy he's going to start shooting people!
Mike: I'm not going to attack them. They're just going to have some very bad luck. Michael Westen
Mike: Here, these are for the pain.
Bly: Who said I was in pain?
Mike: If you're not now, you will be. By the way, that green chair in my loft – it was my favorite. Michael Westen
Madeline: Michael! What are you doing?
Mike: I left something in here.
Madeline: You just assumed that I as never gonna broil anything?
Mike: Well, so far I've been right. Madeline Westen
214  – Truth and Reconciliation (9)
Mike, nothing worth doing is easy and no one likes easy more than me, but it's true (we can do this). Sam Axe
You know nothing about my daughter. You do not deserve to speak her name! They said you were an honorable man – they lied. Claude Laurent
Sam: Mr. Laurent, this will not hold up in an American court.
Laurent: Who is this man with the fish? Claude Laurent
Laurent: Why did you come? Why did you change your mind?
Sam: Because he's an honorable man, just like they told you – he's just a little slow sometimes. Sam Axe
Working covert ops, you learn to exploit weakness. You manipulate greed, fear, pride, to make people do what you want. But when you're dealing with true believers, those weaknesses aren't there. All you can do is help or get out of the way. (Voiceover) Michael Westen
Do you know why I think your father wired the car the way he did? Because I think he thought that if he was the only one who could fix it that we would always need him. Be more useful, you know. Part of the family. Madeline Westen
You should change your workout Michael, you're not doing enough cardio. Victor Stecker-Epps
Mike: Fi, I was warned not to meet you the first time.
Fi: Yea-hea! I almost blew off your hand with a block of C-4!
Mike: And, I made a friend. Maybe I'll make another one. Watch my back. Michael Westen
'Partner stretching' – that sounds painful! Sam Axe
215  – Sins of Omission (23)
Mike, I don't know, this one you should be careful. I mean if half this stuff is true Victor is a lot like you – only with, you know, rabies. Sam Axe
(It was a long time ago) Well Michael, so was world war II, but they still talk about it! Madeline Westen
I'm just thinking out loud here, but If I wanted to steal a really valuable object going in as a helpful soul volunteering to test it might be my first move. Convince me you're on my side and hey guys it's a solid plan. One little caveat. I… don't… believe you. Tyler Brennen
Michael Westen, I've been thinking about your proposal – I think we should talk. Why don't you come around at four, knock this time! Tyler Brennen
Well, you are an enigma wrapped in a schizophrenic aren't you sport? First you don't shoot at me then you set up little firing squad. Victor Stecker-Epps
Michael, you picked the right girl – I just hope you aren't waiting for her to propose too! Madeline Westen
Ok, here's my one time, expires immediately offer: you tell Carla someone else went after her operatives and were friends. The kind of friends who don't go bowling, don't go for beers, don't even really speak – but also don't try to kill each other. Victor Stecker-Epps
You're serious? That was your idea: all of life's mysteries revealed in the men's john of the Miami Dade City Hall of the Municipal building? What I'm offering is this: We're friends on my terms or we're enemies. Victor Stecker-Epps
Are you blaming me for keeping this close to the vest? There's a leak in your organization that nearly got me killed! I need you to back off. I can't draw him out with the suits and sunglasses crowd following me around. Michael Westen
(If you hold back on me Michael…) Yea, I know. You'll go after my family, kill me. Talking with you is always such a pleasure! You have a nice day Carla. Michael Westen
(You didn't tell her it was Victor did you?) He's the one enemy that I know Carla has Fi. I'd like to at least talk to him before I turn him in. Michael Westen
Sam: Heh, heh, another Sam, this is going to be confusing hur?
Madeline: Have you ever been secretely engaged to my son?
Sam: Uh, no.
Madeline: Then I think we'll be able to tell you apart. Madeline Westen
Five years working for Carla alone. I have a hunch he's ready to make a friend! Michael Westen
Victor: Well, nothing like a near death experience to get the juices flowing – am I right? Or, am I right?
Mike: I'm trying to cut back myself.
Victor: Is that why you didn't shoot at me the other night or were you trying to make friends? What's going on in that pretty head of yours? Victor Stecker-Epps
I had this nifty idea. Molded plastic explosive under the fiberglass, radio detonator with a mile radius, you can cut it off in ten minutes. Tyler Brennen
Samantha: I told you he wasn't your kid.
Mike: You let me believe he was.
Samantha: So what? You've never stretched the truth just a little bit to help an innocent person? Samantha Keyes
Your mom's a chimney Mike plus little miss commando here was getting all worked up about an armed assault on Brennan's condo. Sam Axe
For the record 'punkin,' I'm exactly as smart as I think I am! Tyler Brennen
No. You don't understand. Either your security worked and it scared Samantha away – in which case I don't need it; or, it didn't scare her away, she's ready for it and I don't want it. Tyler Brennen
You know, if you're shy we break into the ladies changing room up the hall. Samantha Keyes
Sounds like you invited Miami Dade Sherriff's Office. Not exactly what I had in mind! … One day, I'm gonna figure out exactly what game you were playing here. Tyler Brennen
Mike: You need to give up this life.
Samantha: I know, I just wish my last job didn't feel like such a failure.
Mike: You have your life, you have your freedom and you have Charley.
Samantha: You know, Charley isn't yours… but he could have been. Samantha Keyes
Sam and I worked because she was like me. She didn't mind that my job was lying to people. She loved it, she did the same thing. It made being with her easy. And then I met you. It was – it was different. It was never easy. You knew a part of me she never did. And I left her, because you don't marry someone when you love somebody else. Michael Westen
216  – Lesser Evil (28)
You know I was once just like you Michael – lived for the job. Then I discovered that the job doesn't love you back. I was angry at first, then I found I didn't miss it. You might find the same thing Michael. Carla
Agggggh… it's always fun until somebody gets hurt! Victor Stecker-Epps
When I was a kid I adopted a dog that I found. He had these big eyes and I used to rub his belly and I thought we had something special… right up until he bit a chunk out of me, I'll show you the scar if you'd like. Sam Axe
You mean you're going to help me? I get to be one of Michael Westen's clients. One of the desperate people to whom you lend your razor sharp mind and fists of fury? Victor Stecker-Epps
(You think you're clever) Clever? Well I tested well in school but they say that doesn't mean (you're clever.) Michael Westen
That's not how it works. If somebody is doing something off the books they don't hand out decoder rings and build a mountain fortress. Sam Axe
I guess this means we're not going to Disneyworld! Madeline Westen
Blackmail? That's the idea? We're doing all this so we can throw some PAPERWORK at Carla! Fiona Glenanne
I can see why Carla wouldn't want this out there – she'd send a black ops team to deal with a parking ticket! Michael Westen
(Who burned you) Who cares? A name in a file. Behind that another name. You know how these start. Someone runs an operation off the books. It's supposed to be a one time thing but once it's over there's power to be had. It takes on a life of its own. Victor Stecker-Epps
Help me out, I'm dead one way or the other. They get me alive and they'll take me apart… It was good playing with you sport. Now you get out. Get out while you can. Victor Stecker-Epps
Tell me Michael… what should I do about our new recruit, "Michael Westen" – wonderfully effective, terrifically resourceful, truly the best I've ever seen but he just doesn't seem happy! Management
(To "Management") You know, I think you need to talk to the folks in human resources - you have some "staff" issues! Michael Westen
You want out? Here's the door! But hear this: you have no idea what hell will rain down if we stop watching out for you! Management
A taste of your former life. The good old days before the burn notice went out when Michael Westen was just a carefree spy in the deserts of Afghanistan. Carla
This is serious Michael. Management's not happy, he'll be in town shortly to make sure everything's resolved. These are not people to be trifled with Michael, believe me. Remember there are worse things than being black-listed. Carla
You know, not to be rude but I'd just as soon skip to the end here. Well, if there's something everyone knows about Michael Westen it's that he wants his job back and here I sit, your shot at getting that. Now it doesn't take an intelligence analyst to see how this ends; so, wake me when Carla gets here, or shoot me now and save everyone some time. Victor Stecker-Epps
And the punch-line was: it was Carla! She had my family killed as part of my recruitment! By that time, I was inside, I was an effective operative and I figured: 'hey, while I'm here, why not gut the entire organization?' I took my shot… and here we are. Victor Stecker-Epps
Nice work! Victor should probably teach a class or something. … Spam and Capt'n Crunch – no wonder why he's so erratic! Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: Michael his boy (Victor's) was only four. Who knew you could feel this bad for a psychopath on the edge of insanity.
Mike: People don't get there on their own Fi. Being under Carla's thumb is a strain.
Fiona: Well you've done all right.
Mike: I've never lost everyone I cared about. Michael Westen
If Michael doesn't hand me over Carla's gonna cut her losses – starting with Michael's family. She's gonna be a busy girl. Victor Stecker-Epps
They never gave me a peak at the employee handbook, all I know is that they run black ops; could be multi-national, could be work for hire. They break jobs into pieces so no one gets the big picture. … They're in cities all over, although, from what I can tell they may have to shut down in Miami for awhile. Victor Stecker-Epps
Listen, I'm sorry Madeline. I hate to do this to you, again; but we got a situation. (Michael's) fine, but is your stuff handy cause it's time for an emergency trip to Disneyworld – because it's a magical kingdom with lots of witnesses and great security! Sam Axe
Mike: Victor I sympathize with your situation, but it's a little hard to trust someone who's tried to kill you four times.
Victor: Four, that seems high. Oh common, you're counting earlier with the chair! … Look at it this way: when Carla finds out you hid me all your questions will be resolved – with a bullet to the head for both of us. Victor Stecker-Epps
(We can blackmail our way to safety) Yea, it's a distant second to dousing her in kerosene and lighting a match; but, under the circumstances it'll have to do! Victor Stecker-Epps
Victor: Oh please! No body is completely innocent.
Mike: Is that what you told yourself when you tried to kill me? Michael Westen
Fiona: I promised Michael that I'd help you protect the family.
Sam: Well I promised Madeline that I'd help you protect Mike. So the only question is: which promise do we keep? Sam Axe
We gotta talk, big guy. You have to get out there and get on top of this before her body cools. Take the file, tell 'em when you found me I turned on Carla, you lured her here and had her team take her out then killed me… It's over. The only question is: whether you're the traitor who helped me or the ace operative who shot me. Victor Stecker-Epps
Season Three: 29 through 44
301  – Friends and Family (21)
Easy on the explosives Fi. We're trying to nail this guy on corruption charges. Could be tough if he's in little pieces. Sam Axe
You have a slug in your engine block. Your team is pinned down and I'm leaving with your boss. If I were you, I'd think about another line of work other than security. Michael Westen
Michael, I'm glad you're alive – try to keep it that way! Fiona Glenanne
So the Good news is that I'm being investigated by the cops and the foreign intelligence agencies? Michael Westen
(Is mom ok?) Yea. She's just a little upset about the house blowing up. It's not the whole house. It's just the sun room. I mean it came out ok but I think the bottom line is that you're better off in here until your ma cools off. Sam Axe
It's always nice to meet Michael's mysterious friends. You're a bad liar Harlan, I like that about you, do you want a beer? … So, Harlan, tell me about yourself. What do you do? Do you destroy houses too? Madeline Westen
You have no one to blame but yourself. If you blow something up correctly you have nothing left to fix. Fiona Glenanne
Well third degree burns prevent acne, that doesn't mean you set your head on fire. Fiona Glenanne
(You need my help?) Well you always were the smart one and I was the pretty one. Harlan
It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Westen… Yea, well, when we were in those other countries Michael used to say how much he missed his mom. Harlan
You're not just a burned spy tossed out into the cold huh? Might as well tattoo a bull's-eye on your forehead! Harlan
A lot of money, a lot of guns. Not my style. I'm more of your friendly neighborhood hide your cash from the tax man kind of guy. Rafino is a rob and kill for hire and call it an investment kind of guy. Barry Burkowski
When your father was alive, he used to do all the repairs himself… Yea, Frank used to just go out and find stuff. Madeline Westen
Mike your new cover ID – you're Tom Wellington Esq.… Hey, you want to pick the names you gotta go to the meeting and listen to Barry talk about his skin care regimen. Sam Axe
Seriously Michael, you just let him dislocate your shoulder… couldn't you have just, you know, snapped his neck, and make it look innocent? Fiona Glenanne
The fact that you have to ask means you're never gonna get it Fi. Whoa, hey, hey sister don't be throwin' explosives at me just cause you can't take the cold, hard truth! Sam Axe
Michael, I wonder if you've given any thought to what you might be getting your friend Harlan into? I mean he's nice but he's not exactly a rocket scientist and hanging out with you isn't the safest thing in the world… he's got a lot to prove with you Michael, it's written all over his face and that's dangerous. Hey, you know, he's your friend; but, if something happens to him – I'm just warning you. Madeline Westen
You've ordered four beers and two cups of coffee! You stop ordering when someone doesn't show up after three hours! Fiona Glenanne
Fiona wanted me to talk to you (Michael). She wanted me to let you know that there's a life after you're done being a spy – not very long in your case. Harlan
(I didn't mean to bring trouble) It's not your fault. Trouble seems to find me without any help! Michael Westen
Sam: We need a distraction.
Fi: How distracting?
Sam: More than a firecracker less than a neutron bomb. Sam Axe
302  – Question and Answer (7)
Well, someone once told me that caring for you is like trench warfare. So I thought you should arm yourself. Fiona Glenanne
Stuff's been blowing up pretty steadily since you arrived in Miami… Welcome to your worst nightmare Mr. Westen. Detective Paxson
Sam: You my new girl? She rebuilt this engine by herself. I'm tellin' ya, just put a nice sturdy tool in this woman's hands…
Mike: I got it sam! Sam Axe
I asked around about your lady detective. It turns out – you got a stalker with a badge. Sam Axe
I think this is a valuable lesson for you. C-4 is meant to be used, not stored. I'm serious. All those times you told me to make the explosions smaller, I shouldn't have listened to you and Paxson wouldn't have anything to hang you with. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: A fresh start, together, kinda' inspiring don't cha think?
Mike: I'd settle for staying out of jail. Come on Fi, we gotta date, at the storage unit. Michael Westen
Sam: Happy birthday Mike.
Mike: Beer. A five-pack! Thanks. Michael Westen
303  – End Run (22)
And you'd better hurry. 'Cause I get the feeling Brennen's got the Westen brothers fitted for body bags. Michael Westen
[How long you been in town] About six hours, five of which were spent listening to your girlfriend telling me that I fled to Vegas to avoid some unpaid parking tickets. Nate Westen
[She's trying to get you to flip on me] Yea, I figured it out after she said: 'it would go easier if I flipped on my brother.' Nate Westen
Geeze bro, I didn't say anything; but, do you know how hard it is not to talk about your extracurricular activities? Nate Westen
You wouldn't know where I could find a burned spy would you? Tyler Brennen
So those angry South American's were a little busy – with all the killin'… dyin'. Tyler Brennen
Oh no, it's not up to me. Whether Nate's meeting ends in a bullet or a handshake is entirely up to you. Tyler Brennen
You're going to be running some errands for me today – just think of me as… your new boss. Tyler Brennen
You're just a key Michael. Keys don't need to know what's behind the doors they unlock. Tyler Brennen
So, this is the house where 'the' Michael Westen grew up! [To Sam] And now you're living here – with his mom? Barry Burkowski
Uh, well, tiny issue: My life coach has strongly suggested that I avoid stressful situations. Barry Burkowski
[Who's the guy with the purse] That's Barry [and what does he do] Ah, he's Sam's financial consultant. Fiona Glenanne
'Forcing' is such an ugly word – 'encouraging'… 'incentivizing'… no, you're right, let's go with 'forcing.' Tyler Brennen
Done! An hour from now I'm just a guy who sends you mean spirited Christmas Cards. Tyler Brennen
Stay still. I used one of those nifty frangible rounds – a lot of tissue damage but doesn't usually kill… Oh, and don't dawdle, otherwise I'm switching to lead. Tyler Brennen
Brennen brought Nate here and shot him. [Is he hurt] No, he's hurt bad – it's just Brennen's version of a pep talk. Michael Westen
[How big an explosion do you want] Big enough to make a point… but NOT kill the neighbors! Sam Axe
Michael, please. I'd rather you not lie right to my face. I'm just glad both my boys are home – and, I got to know Barry, he's coming over later with some new eucalyptus infused hair gel. We're going to have a product party! Madeline Westen
[How's Nate] He's healing. You know, I'm starting to think that I screw up his life better than he does. Michael Westen
You'll be glad to know I didn't come by to ask you questions this time. I came by to say this: you want to play rough? I can give as good as I get. Detective Paxson
Until your calendar clears up, just know: I'm gonna' make my way through every friend, relative and associate you have. Detective Paxson
Here's what you're gonna do. Go here and tell Fabian that I'm giving you the portable skimmer… I hired an intern. Once your pretty little hands swipe that card, my pretty little hands are gonna do some financial magic. Barry Burkowski
304  – Fearless Leader (11)
We're at the Carlito. We eat half our meals here. Have you forgotten what a date is? Fiona Glenanne
Cookies! After your birthday party I thought I'd take up cooking, it's supposed to be relaxing – so far I'm not convinced. Madeline Westen
You know Michael, I'd appreciate it if when you stopped by it wasn't only to loose your police tail. Madeline Westen
Remember Mr. Axe, the IRS can't be charmed with a fancy shirt, smooth talk and pink drinks. The IRS demands the truth, OK? Stacey Conolly
[Cookie?] No. I'm allergic to chocolate, and to wheat flour… and to eggs. Stacey Conolly
I have a headache – in my eye! Sam Axe
Business, as defined by tax law, does not involve the application of cucumber lotion… disallowed. Stacey Conolly
[Your lucky day] I should get myself a lottery ticket. You should get yourself a lawyer. Detective Paxson
If I got a pass, which I'm not saying that I did, it was anything but free. It's like I told you detective, we're on the same side. Michael Westen
Just remember where the line is Mr. Westen – and I will be watching. Detective Paxson
I gotta tell you Sam, you're like a drinking genius here… is this not the best audit ever? Stacey Conolly
305  – Signals and Codes (11)
[Sleep in my own bed] Is that how you celebrate these days Sam? Say it ain't so! Michael Westen
Once you see a pattern – you can't UN-see it!… You have to help me, you're the guy! Spencer Watkowski
You know I don't like to charge you but if I go up north I gotta stay with my mom. She's still mad at me I dropped out of Podiatry school. Barry Burkowski
They're probably looking for me [the aliens?] The police. I broke out of a psych ward. Weren't you listening? Spencer Watkowski
[I can't find anything] Yea, sometimes I loose track of things when I leave 'em on the ceiling! Sam Axe
No Mr. Westen, I'm Diego Garza. I'm the spy you're looking for… the memos say you're very, very good… you want back in, you're trying to reach out?… now, get the hell outta here. Diego Garza
Mr. Westen, I don't like threats… but, I love your sunglasses. You have a good one, OK? Diego Garza
If you ask me something is wrong with the world when we don't hang traitors anymore! Doesn't seem right. Sam Axe
In the beginning… I should have told someone. But I didn't have anyone I could trust. You're (Michael) lucky, you're just lucky to have people like that. Spencer Watkowski
Getting back in isn't just a way to survive, to protect the people I love, it's what I want. And if you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself. Michael Westen
There's a pattern. You have to ask yourself: "who's the connection." We're not talking about Spiderman… I did a Fermi estimate with 63% odds he lived within 5 miles of this gun range. Spencer Watkowski
306  – The Hunter (11)
[You like the yogurt?] I haven't tried it yet. I was always taught: "Never take yogurt from strangers." Michael Westen
Your enemies have enemies of your own… It's called synergy. The enemy of your enemy is – your financial opportunity. Tom Strickler
Forgiveness is a process (Sam) – pick me up some curtain rods and, maybe. Madeline Westen
Sam, let me remind you you're staying in my guest room. Alright, you call me or as God is my witness I will smother you in your sleep! Madeline Westen
What, you wanna go deeper into the woods? We've got enough problems without adding alligators to the list! John Beck
I don't have friends. I've got rivals, I got associates, I even got a few enemies; but friends? Sorry, it's not how I roll. John Beck
I can do subtle – I don't like to, but I can. Fiona Glenanne
You know, maybe its time we listen to the guy with the gun for awhile! John Beck
Oh honey, I've met guys like this before. They're only brave when people are yelling at them. Madeline Westen
You have to decide right now. Are you ready to trust me and figure out a plan or do you want to die out here alone? Is it really that tough of a call? Michael Westen
(Michael) You said you were a good friend to have … could do worse. John Beck
307  – Shot in the Dark (9)
We all know what's at the top of your Christmas list. Work with me and I can deliver that list to Santa himself. Tom Strickler
In my experience, if something seems to good to be true it's best to shoot it, just in case. Fiona Glenanne
Little kid, abusive dad – kinda hits home. I'll give you that one. BUT when the time comes to rescue a bunch of rich women trapped in a brewery you better step up! Sam Axe
One more question and you go from being the burned spy that I hate to the anonymous burglar I shot. Diego Garza
Mike: Tom Strickler, I need you to find out if he's a guy who can make things happen.
Diego: Maybe you should Google him, or go find someone who cares. Diego Garza
Madeline: When I heard the situation I insisted. And don't you feel bad, you were doing what's necessary for your family. Trust me honey, I've been there.
April: It just seems so crazy. Do you really think they can do anything?
Madeline: For two little boys who are being knocked around by their father, Michael would take on the Chinese army honey. Madeline Westen
You have no idea how painful it was to be under that car and not wire it to explode. Fiona Glenanne
Don't get caught alright? I don't want to have to explain why I let a thirteen-year-old drive a car. Michael Westen
Fiona: Nice fall Shakespeare!
Sam: Oh, you should talk. You look like you got shot by a bow and arrow. Fiona Glenanne
308  – Friends Like These (7)
I wouldn't be driving an Astin Martin if I didn't know how to keep a promise. Tom Strickler
Mike! You know all those favors you owe me? I'm calling in ALL of 'em! I'm at the Carlito and bring Fiona cause this could get a little… violent. Barry Burkowski
Someone stole my ledger Mike… [like a little black book?] Yea, only instead of 'blond thin Chloe' I've got a bunch of angry rich guys who are gonna dismember me when they find out it's gone. Barry Burkowski
The window mike? I mean, shouldn't we just pick the lock on the door like civilized people? Sam Axe
Dodge calls now – or bullets later! Sam Axe
You know Mike… sometimes it hard being your friend – yea, straight up. Sam Axe
You're looking to me for: 'softer'? You two MUST be desperate. Fiona Glenanne
309  – Long Way Back (13)
Various regional experts will be doing your review and get to tear apart the story of poor misunderstood Michael Westen and put you on the black list for good. Diego Garza
No, Michael, not even a Glenanne would forgive me for working with an American spy. Fiona Glenanne
So why's this guy so hot for you Fi? I thought you bit the heads off all your old boyfriends. Sam Axe
The truth? You are not in the truth business Michael, you never were. Trust me that right now your reputation is valuable. People fear you, we can use that. Tom Strickler
Did you really think rebuilding your reputation would be free? Money greases palms, opens doors, buys documents and it puts Michael Westen right back where he wants to be. Tom Strickler
[Are you here about the house] No, I'm here about you son, can Michael come out and play? Tom Strickler
You need to realize that this isn't about telling the world the truth about Michael Westen. This is about getting your old job back. In the end what does it matter how? Tom Strickler
Oh, please tell your mom – sorry about the drapes, they looked better in the catalog. Honestly. Tom Strickler
Michael, I want to thank you for protecting Fiona. You're an honest man. I'm honored to be fightn' beside ya. Sean Glenanne
This isn't going to make any sense to you Michael; but, most people, normal people, go through their life collecting boxes like this. I just don't want you to ever look back and regret letting this stuff go. Now if you are convinced that you never will, I will throw it away for you. Madeline Westen
Hey, I did this the cleanest way possible. Sure the brother got clipped but you were spared. I'm your GD white night Michael! Tom Strickler
You wanted back in? Well, guess what, a gun dealing, bomb making girlfriend wasn't helping your case. She had to go. You were too attached to do what needed to be done so like a good partner, I did it for you. Tom Strickler
Back in Ireland there were a lot of questions about whether or not you were one of us – I always thought you were. Now I know I was right. Sean Glenanne
310  – A Dark Road (7)
So is she finally out? I was afraid the paint was gonna peel off the walls. You know it's funny, when I thought she was leaving town I actually felt a little bad – hard to believe I know. Sam Axe
I think your new friend is trying to tell us he was involved. It's a hell of a thing torching a hotel room as your business card! Sam Axe
[Why me?] Because she's your age, smokes your brand… and shops at the same stores you do. Michael Westen
What's wrong Sam? I've never seen you drink a beer that slowly. Michael Westen
Who says that you get to decide what's right and what's wrong – and who gets sacrificed for the greater good and who doesn't? Madeline Westen
Do you think I like it? What can I do? People come to me! … Do you think I do this for the money? … People need me – so I have to. Michael Westen
Don't give me that Michael. You don't have to run around blowing things up every time a problem comes your way. You were offered a job and you dragged me into it. Madeline Westen
311  – Friendly Fire (9)
[We're alike] An associate once told me that, Tom Strickler. You know him, don't you? Oh, that's right – you SHOT him! Mason Gilroy
Most people bore me, especially Americans. Always some structure to report to, some memo to file, everything in its proper box. All your talk of rugged individualism, in my experience this is a nation of sheep – present company excepted, of course. Mason Gilroy
So Mac, do you figure this is a two man job? [We could use a third man if you know anyone?] I do, but I wouldn't call her the third man to her face. Sam Axe
I told you, I have to get to know you… I had to see you in action, and I have to say you lived up to your reputation with such panache. I love the suit, who are you wearing? Mason Gilroy
Maybe I'm just not that afraid of rubber bullets. You were awfully gentile with those chaps at the warehouse! Mason Gilroy
Look, I know you want to stop whatever he's planning; but, can't we just shoot him and get on with our lives? Fiona Glenanne
(Omar) got clipped in the arm – I hope I screamed less when it happened to me! Fiona Glenanne
You know, you and your friends got a strange way of doing things, but I guess I can't complain. Mack
You know, I have more ammunition in this case than I need. You wanna be quiet or do you want me to start using it? Sam doesn't agree with me and I didn't want to worry your mother, otherwise this would be a full scale intervention – you work too hard. Fiona Glenanne
312  – Noble Causes (15)
You know what they serve in their? Foie gras, lapin – yea, whatever, it's still French for bunny rabbit. … Bon Appetit – that's French for 'watch your back amigo.' Sam Axe
I didn't tell you? Claude should be here – wonderful chap, excellent conversationalist, great fashion sense and he's the best thief in the western hemisphere. Mason Gilroy
[Working with someone you don't know is stupid and dangerous] Look who's full of theories! Well, I'm afraid you'll have to make an exception this time – learn the value of teamwork. Mason Gilroy
Yea, your boy capped me – through a wall – did something with duct tape! Raymond (Sugar)
What are you gonna do? Shoot me again? If that's what it takes to get you to help my cousin – go for it! Raymond (Sugar)
What happened to the bad ass that used to live here? If he comes back, give him my number! Raymond (Sugar)
Guns and duct tape – when do we go? … Ok, so how's your way? Go through the roof, go Mission Impossible on his ass? Raymond (Sugar)
Well, Lynch is pretty thorough about covering his tracks. They don't leave anybody around to tell the story – that guy's a public health hazard! Sam Axe
NOW, you wanna use duct tape! Raymond (Sugar)
You better stay alive because I'm gonna make you clean that later! Michael Westen
Four shots from an assault rifle and somehow Sugar is still breathing. I talked to the doctor, he's 'touch and go'; but, if you hadn't been there Mike he would'a just been 'go.' Sam Axe
Team building's a process so I thought I'd help seed it up. Matching watches, perfectly synchronized with mine. If we look like a team you'll act like one. … did you know that your resting pulse tends to synchronize with your watch? That means by the end of today our hearts will beat as one. I'll leave you both to ponder the possibilities. Mason Gilroy
That's science talk for 'you've got five hours to live' unless you find an antidote. Sam Axe
I don't know how many times I have to get shot before I start listening to you! Raymond (Sugar)
I suggest you honor his (Claude's) memory by completing his mission. Consider it a 'reason for living' as it were. Mason Gilroy
313  – Enemies Closer (23)
Mike: I like you, you know as a friend, but…
Gilroy: You're cute but don't interrupt. My mood's been a bit dodgy since you failed to steal that file I wanted from the Chileans. Mason Gilroy
Ahh, geeze Mike! The thing about buddies are that their you buddies. You can't make 'em unwitting accomplices to a felony. Sam Axe
Larry: Seriously, pal! We do twenty missions on three continents and this is how you greet me?
Mike: Well that was before you faked your own death and came back without a soul.
Larry: Ouch! A little harsh, huh? Larry Sizemore
Will you look at that? Three to the chest. He didn't get a shot off! I just get better with age. Larry Sizemore
Sam: That's your solution, for Mike to kill someone and go on the run?
Larry: Honestly Michael how do you put up with this guys constant mothering?…
Sam: That guy sucks! Sam Axe
No more bodies until we figure out what I'm up against and we find a place to store the one we've got! Michael Westen
Welcome to the family new "bro!" Your brother is so amazing. We met last month at my blackjack table and, six decks with him and I was DONE! Ruth Westen
Mike: I need you to stay here and watch mom.
Nate: Are you kidding me? No! No, dude! This is like my honeymoon bro. You want me to subject to that right a away? Nate Westen
Mike: I need your help, Larry's in town.
Nate: Dead Larry, the assassin?
Mike: Take this (gun) and don't tell mom, she'll freak out.
Nate: I'm freaking out!
Mike: Thank you. I mean that.
Nate: You really know now to kill a buzz bro! Nate Westen
Sam: Hey, you OK with the first shift here? I have to go exploit a friend in the name of an unsanctioned national security operation and I don't want to be late.
Fiona: Have fun.
Sam: Yea, define fun!
Fiona: Why would you bring him (Larry) here? I want that nut job out of my house.
Mike: It's not like he didn't already know your address.
Fiona: Why would that make me feel better?
Mike: If I let him out of my site, that's when he starts killing everyone! Michael Westen
I'm not some old woman that you can pack away into a retirement village. You do not get to tell me where to live. Madeline Westen
Mom, who said anything about a retirement village. I just want you close by. Someplace where spies and killers aren't crawling out of the woodwork every other week. Some place safe. Nate Westen
RuthYea, Vegas is AMAZING! The weather is amazing. Some day you're gonna' have grand kids there. Don't you think living near them would just be…
Ruth: Are you gonna smoke that in here? Ruth Westen
Hey, he warned ya! And there's not gonna be any more blood – just as soon as your hand stops dripping. Sam Axe
Do those have cucumber in them? I'm allergic. I thought I told you I'm trying to stay away from protein. Ruth Westen
You want this data Mike? You're gonna have to steal it yourself because I'm not gonna give it to you. And, hey, if that makes me the Boy Scout that you and your friend Larry think I am, man I'm OK with that. I'm not gonna help you any more until you get your head out of your ass. Sam Axe
I have connections. I have guns. And, I also have what you need most: the will. The will to act on our instincts, to get what we want. And what I want is to work with you again. I'll cut the head off the whole cartel if that's what it takes. And, you know it's sad. I don't see anyone else stepping up to bail you out. Larry Sizemore
You got me watching out for our mom and you won't even answer my calls? What do you mean what? I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help with this Larry thing. I left you like three messages. You really thought no one was answering your calls? Geez bro, dads dead, you're not in Afghanistan anymore. I mean, when are you going to learn that there are people you can trust. Nate Westen
Mike: I let Larry get to close to me.
Fiona: You let him crawl inside your head and make a nest!
Mike: There's a part of me, there's a part that's like him. But, it's just a part and it gets smaller the longer I'm with you. Fiona Glenanne
Carlos made a choice – he chose to work for the cartel. I make my own choices. I don't kill anyone unless I have to. Michael Westen
Well, I'm happy for Nate. It's time he settled down and built a life; but, I have mine. It's here, with you and Sam and Fiona. Plus I can't stand that woman. Madeline Westen
You're a tad over dressed for the Jacuzzi, don't you think? Mason Gilroy
314  – Partners in Crime (5)
You know there are a lot of things grieving co-workers do but hunting with guns for someone on docks – not one of 'em. Michael Westen
Madeline: (Photograph) Well it was special to me. It was one of the few times you ever sent me anything to tell me where you were.
Mike: Well actually I had already left the country, I wrote that so you wouldn't know where I was.
Madeline: Ah, well then, in the grand scheme of things, I suppose we're making some progress.
Isabella: His usual pedicure and of course the oatmeal shampoo, oh and don't forget to rub his belly. Colonel Peabody loves when you do that.
Sam: Who doesn't? Isabella
Isabella: Funny, and cute. My girlfriend said you were a man of many talents.
Sam: You gonna trust her? You should do your own research. Sam Axe
Isabella: How much do you charge? Is thirty thousand enough?
Mike: That's too much.
Isabella: Please, this might take a couple of days.
Sam: You won't be disappointed.
315  – Good Intentions (15)
(Calm down) No I don't think I will. You know what kinds of people they ferry around on secret planes in super-max custody? People with forked tongues Mike, people with hair on their palms! Sam Axe
Sam: You know what they say about holding a snake by the tail Mike.
Mike: I think it's a 'tiger' by the tail Sam.
Sam: Yea, but either way you let go of it before it eats your face off! Sam Axe
Mike: Next time you send me in as a decoy, a heads up would be nice.
Gilroy: Honestly Michael, if you couldn't survive a go around with Duke and Jimbo, you deserve to get killed. Mason
I find that fifty-caliber rounds have a delightful way of making ones problems – die. Mason Gilroy
Lane: Harris, question. So far as it concerns calling the territorial jackasses at Langley, where would you put that on the to-do list?
Harris: Oh, maybe four, five hundred! Agent Lane
I really need some new friends! Sam Axe
The caption says: 'Please give me my daddy back." I'm not letting her grow up without a father if I could save him by going to a meeting. Fiona Glenanne
Tell me. Why does a nice Catholic girl with no apparent interest in politics, no history of violence, decide to join the IRA and blow up cars all over Belfast? Gabriel
Mike: You said we were partners.
Gilroy: We are Michael. I'm the partner who tells you what to do. You're the partner who does it. Mason Gilroy
Time for second thoughts is over! Tomorrow, don't come for me. Don't come for the obscene fortune we're going to make. Come for all the people I have to kill if you don't do your job! Mason Gilroy
Hey! I brought some chicken soup for Fi – don't worry, I didn't make it. Madeline Westen
This is why we rehearsed. Do your job or I'll do it for you! Mason Gilroy
They say if you live long enough you'll see everything. He paid me ten million dollars. It turns out his plan was to shoot me and come after you. His hame is Simon and it turns out I'm not his only friend in Miami. Mason Gilroy
Sorry – did I mention that I'm attached to an explosive device? Perhaps you should run along. Mason Gilroy
Mike: Didn't go as planned!
Gilroy: Actually it went exactly as planned. You still have the money and I have the new toy. Mason Gilroy
316  – Devil You Know (18)
Fine, but you're my insurance. If this goes wrong I wouldnt want to be you or anyone who knows you. Management
I may seem like a nice guy, but I assure you I am not. Management
Mike it's not just the cops, the FBI is involved now. Homeland Security is on alert. Pretty soon it's gonna be the IRS, the Forest Service and the Food and Drug Administration are gonna be lookin' for ya. Sam Axe
Madeline: Michael, there's been a change of plans. I want you to come home right now.
Michael: She said to come home right now. It's what she used to say when my dad was on a bender and she wanted me to stay away from the house. Michael Westen
Simon: The powers that be decided that I was uncontrollable. They dumped me in a hole – they transferred my file to you. They gave you a fearsome reputation – MY reputation.
Mike: Do you want it?
Simon: I want my life back.
Mike: Fine, it's yours, take it! Simon Escher
I've been watching your career in Miami. Just think of me as one of those people you help in your spare time – a desperate fellow with a problem. Simon Escher
How much do you know about your son's situation Mrs. Westen? … Do you know what he does? He kills people. … Do you think he's gonna tell his mother? You think he's gonna say: "Sorry Ma, I blew up a bus today?" People get burned for a reason Mrs. Westen. Agent Callahan
I just did what the guy (Simon) said. He gave me the specs, I made the device, I put it in the basement of the Epic Hotel. I was gonna turn the job down but this guy's nuts, grade 'A' psycho – you'd like 'im. Keith
It's insulting really. They give you my file, you'd think they could set you up in a nicer neighborhood! Simon Escher
Michael, I know this makes you unhappy. But that old man has it coming. Just think of me as an instrument of justice. Simon Escher
See, if I was you I just go ahead and do it; but, then I like a hotel blowing up every once in awhile. Simon Escher
Ahh, smell that sea air? You miss that when you're locked in a secret prison – it's the little things. Simon Escher
You don't wanna do this? Fine. Walk away. Shoot me. We don't have to do this my way. My way, however, is the only way that doesn't involve the death of thousands of people. Simon Escher
Callahan: I saw it with my own eyes. I saw your son attack a police officer, Mrs. Weston, he nearly killed a man. Your son shot at me, he tried to kill me. You live in a fantasy world lady, you have no idea who your own son really is!
Madeline: I know this. If Michael wanted to kill you – you'd be dead! I know exactly who my son is, now back off! Agent Callahan
Callahan: Last chance Mrs. Westen. Do you really want to pay for your son's mistakes?
Madeline: He paid for mine. Madeline Westen
I guess I was wrong about that 'everybody wins' thing. Don't be disappointed, you'll get your reputation back – course you'll be dead. Better late than never. Simon Escher
Management: Michael, don't! Let us take care of him.
Michael: You had your chance, I saw how well that went.
Management: Michael! Shooting an unarmed man with the FBI about to arrive will put a big dent in your future – and you have a BIG future. Management
Are you kiddin' me! Are you gonna listen to the old man? … Oh, he owes you now boy! Matter of fact, you're just like me. Heh, heh, heh – just like me. Simon Escher
Season Four: 45 through 62
401  – Friends and Enemies (13)
Some folks call this a private holding facility, others a secret prison and I think it's officially listed as a document processing center – so you can take your pick. Vaughn
Vaughn: Great work by the way, rescuing the old man like you did.
Mike: Trust me, I didn't do it for him. Vaughn
Vaughn: Now he's back (Management), at an undisclosed location and Simon is locked away tight all thanks to Michael Westen. I know you're upset that we burned you but it's nice to know that we can work together sometimes, when it counts – friends at last.
Mike: I'm not your friend.
Vaughn: I'll try not to take that personally. Vaughn
See, all this? Trying to stop it and whoever owns those fat bank accounts is fighting back. Simon's escape wasn't just an accident, it was an attack against us. There are things that government's do well – like run a military or a post office. Then there are some things that they need help with. Things best done by people who no longer have official ties to the government. That's where we come in – where you come in. Vaughn
Vaughn: If this were some kind of foreign government you might be right, we're good at that sort of thing. But this, this is a new kind of problem. This is somebody willing to let a guy like Simon blow up Miami to protect his cash flow! Bottom line is that you may not like it, but were on the same side here.
Mike: Forgive me, but I'm a little skeptical about that. Vaughn
I understand your reservations – we burned you. And our methods? Let's just say that we draw the line at different places. But at the end of the day you're gonna want to side with us. Vaughn
Vaughn: This isn't the first time this has happened Michael. Whoever's behind all of this killing our people…
Mike: And now it's my turn?
Vaughn: We're betting that Michael Westen can succeed where others have failed. Vaughn
Missed ya brother – you and I are gonna get a beer together just as soon as this little disaster of Fiona's is handled. Sam Axe
You were right… Hart was being investigated by counterintelligence… here is your ticket in, don't push it, you have two minutes give or take. Remember, if anything does wrong, you're just a burned spy caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Vaughn
Winston: What do we do now?
Mike: Plan 'B'.
Winston: What's plan 'B'?
Mike: I'm working on it! Michael Westen
Mike: Sam, I hope you have a plan!
Sam: I'm workin' on it! Sam Axe
Mike: He laughed. When I caught Simon he laughed. He said it was just a matter of time before I was just like him.
Madeline: He's wrong honey. That isn't how I raised you. Michael Westen
Sam: You were accessing the files of a counter-intelligence officer named Jesse Porter. He's in federal custody.
Mike: Are they prosecuting?
Sam: Doesn't seem like it, they would have to declassify the files. They're gonna black list the guy. Mike you just burned a spy. Sam Axe
402  – Fast Friends (10)
That's because he's a paying renter, Sam. Not someone who detonates explosives in my solarium. Madeline Westen
Don't worry, we're gonna have him (Jesse) taken care of. It's nothing legal. We're just gonna put him on a plane to a nice remote holding facility. Vaughn
When you were on vacation in prison Michael I realized something. I could use more stable people in my life – not people who sleep with guns under their pillows. Madeline Westen
Mike, I'm projectile sweating down here. Turning my new Hawaiian into a dish rag and you know were talking about a poly-silk blend here, dry clean only and it's ruined. Sam Axe
He IS using my duvet. If another one of your strays ruins my linens, I will kill you. Fiona Glenanne
Jesse: Ohhh, go through all that trouble saving my ass and leave the old guy in charge of the getaway!
Sam: Buckle up rookie. Try not to bleed on the upholstery. Jesse Porter
Well if you need some help getting him to open up I have some friends who can help facilitate. Point is Michael, we're on a clock here; so, for Jesse's sake get at it. Vaughn
Yea, well, 'nice' is over-rated. I forgot how much I hate cats! I mean, you and Sam and Fi may be nuts but you know you're doing something with your lives and I just like being a part of it. What kind of sissy wouldn't sleep with a gun under his pillow anyway. Madeline Westen
Well if you're like me you won't stop kicking over rocks until you find out what happened. You're out in the cold Jess – it's dangerous to do it alone. Michael Westen
Look before I let you in on this I need to tell you something. I'm seeing this through. One day the old boss is going to welcome me back. They're gonna give me a commendation. I'll smile for the camera. But then I'm gonna find the person who ruined my life – I'm gonna kill him. Are you good with that? Jesse Porter
403  – Made Man (7)
Jesse: He had a low raspy voice – I call him Cobra.
Sam: Cobra! Ha, ha, ha I'm sorry, it's just a crappy code name.
Jesse: Oh, well, maybe you can make up the code names when it's your investigation. How about that? Jesse Porter
Hey, I'm just doing what you did for me. You see someone in trouble you don't stand on the sidelines, isn't that what it's all about? Jesse Porter
Hank's not trained Jesse. You know what happens to people who are not trained in the field? They die! Michael Westen
I think it's time for him to meet Chuck Finley – now, that's a code name! Sam Axe
I kinda like it actually. Taking out half of Miami's wise-guys in one afternoon – we haven't done that before. Fiona Glenanne
I was there when you decided to join the army and I remember the look on your face when you had to tell your brother about it, how you thought you were betraying him by leaving him behind with your father. And you had the same look on your face when you brought Jesse around. Madeline Westen
Madeline: I just want to know how you can pretend to be his friend.
Mike: I am his friend. I'm the best friend he has right now! I'm helping him!
Madeline: You're lying to him! Take it from me, lies get out. Thirty years with your father taught me that. Madeline Westen
404  – Breach of Faith (3)
Move over, you're lying on my C4. Fiona Glenanne
This might not be the smart move Mike, but I'm following my gut on this one. Sam Axe
Sam: So Mike I guess I owe you an apology.
Mike: Why? You were right Sam, you said it would take less than a day.
Sam: I did didn't I? One long-ass day! Sam Axe
405  – Neighborhood Watch (6)
Mike: Still think this is a dead end?
Fiona: It is if she kills us! Fiona Glenanne
What kind of malfeasance you got me mixed up in here? That dude's psychotic. He gives dealers a bad name. Raymond (Sugar)
Sam: Thought I'd introduce myself to the head honcho.
Fiona: Oh, how'd that go?
Sam: Worse surveillance ever! Sam Axe
I'm just sayin'. I'm with you guys. I owe you. My word is bond – except for this time. Raymond (Sugar)
Madeline: See, sometimes people need to fight their own battles.
Mike: Mom, I got it the first time.
Madeline: It's still better to have Michael Westen than a two by four. Madeline Westen
Just listen to what you're sayin' for a second. This lady makes corpses. She didn't tell you to come unarmed and alone because she's shy! Sam Axe
406  – Entry Point (3)
Michael Weston, if you knew you wanted me on perimeter duty, why did you let me wear my new party shoes? Fiona Glenanne
Jesse: You're talking about a rendition play.
Mike: I was trying to!
Jesse: Ok. Delta has had some success with that in Afghanistan.
Mike: Yea, I know. I hope you listen better in there – just follow my lead. Michael Westen
Sam: (A toast) To the new guy, for putting that hot slice of crazy in the rear-view mirror.
Jesse: It's gonna' be weird not hanging out with her tomorrow.
Mike: You could really use some new friends – I'd work on that. Michael Westen
407  – Past and Future Tense (15)
This was my idea. I should have gotten to hit him! Fiona Glenanne
Even a day at the beach isn't a day at the beach with you people! Jesse Porter
Sam: Where is he? Where you got him?
Fiona: You're awfully fired up Sam. Isn't this normally your nap time?
Sam: Yea, but I love interrogating Russians. They're my all time favorite bad guys. Sam Axe
Mike: Guys! There's a wetwork team on Southbeach that might be here to kill me! I would like to find out today! Sam, you make the introductions, I'm famous, Fi's the hammer.
Sam: Ok, so bad cop, worse cop… badder cop. I can live with that. Michael Westen
You joke. Everyone in Russian special forces has heard the name 'Westen.' He's like the boogie man, not real. Alexi
Paul: I appreciate the thought fellas but if this dump is your idea of a safe house, thanks but…
Mike: This is not a – I live here. Paul Anderson
Paul: That's not an option fellas. When I retired they didn't exactly give me a gold watch.
Sam: You were burned?
Paul: No, but I'm a little toasty. Paul Anderson
Mike: You gotta have some friends on the inside.
Paul: Most of my friends are dead and the rest of 'em are pissed off at me.
Sam: That sounds familiar. Paul Anderson
Paul: It was like watching a younger version of myself, cutting through those Russians you know. They used to call it Karate, but I think they got a new word for it now.
Paul: Hello! Where'd you find this beautiful creature? Paul Anderson
Paul: You know something? You remind me of me. What do ya, wake up three or four times in the middle of the night? I could tell you it gets better, but I'd be lying. After a while you just start collecting ghosts.
Mike: You don't seem all that haunted.
Paul: Well, Rum helps… a lot. Paul Anderson
Take it from someone who's had to watch this show before. You wanna solve this big mystery that spans the globe, you go ahead. But, after that try to do something good in your own corner of it. Your past is your past, it's not coming back. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona, that all sounds, ah – really healthy. I can't just walk away. I'm not stopping till the people who burned me are six feet under. That's just how it is. Jesse Porter
Listen you smug bastard – the cold war wasn't so cold for me! Paul Anderson
All you really have in the end – are your stories. Paul Anderson
Fiona: I can't stand this! I can't stand lying to Jesse. I can't stand watching you keep this secret like it's nothing. I can't stand what you're turning into.
Mike: Which is what?
Fiona: Someone who only cares about the idea of people, who doesn't give a damn about the ones who have his back every single day. Fiona Glenanne
408  – Where Theres Smoke (7)
You can beat yourself up about it later, I will help. Michael Westen
I'm looking for my Walther. I have a truck full guns and nothing fits in my clutch. Fiona Glenanne
I told him that I was very upset putting the pictures of my husband in there (the vault) and I was smoking to calm my nerves. I just couldn't help myself. First thing Frank's been good for in thirty years. Madeline Westen
Jesse: Ok, so we swipe the key card and you wanna blast our way through into the vault through the conference room floor.
Mike: They're lawyers, they have it coming! Michael Westen
Sam: Hurry up will you, he said not to be late.
Fiona: This coming from a man who spent half an hour shellacking his hair.
Sam: You should be grateful, most married men let themselves fall apart. Charles Finley had a shotgun wedding for the sake of the cover. That's Charlotte, the old ball and chain!
Fiona: Call me that again and we'll have a shotgun divorce. Sam Axe
Where there's smoke – there's Fi! Sam Axe
Jesse: The old guilt trip – works every time.
Madeline: You're telling me? I'm a mother! Jesse Porter
409  – Center of the Storm (3)
Do you think I have supernatural power over truckers? Michael Westen
I thought the weird feeling in the air was just the calm before the storm – no, it's a disturbance in the force! Sam Axe
Understand something Michael, you can't dig inside Simon's head without letting him into yours and I'm not sure you're ready for that. Vaughn
410  – Hard Time (5)
Simon: Michael Westen! I have been dreaming about this moment for months.
Michael: So have I. But, I wouldn't call my version 'dreaming.' Michael Westen
This is prison Sam. I'm just guessing but I think it could be pretty bad! Jesse Porter
So, how do you like being Vaughn's shiny new toy? Where is he by the way? Simon Escher
And you're thinking that the fact that this guy's getting blackmailed is something we can use to… blackmail him? Jesse Porter
I would have worked with the Devil himself to take down those son's of bitches who burned us. Sadly, the Devil's not available. I'll pin my hopes on you. Go get 'em brother. Simon Escher
411  – Blind Spot (5)
Don't worry. I'm not asking you for help. The guy's a sleazy womanizer – clearly a job for Sam Axe. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: His name is Charles, we need a new cover ID.
Sam: Sorry Fi, I don't think so. Chuck Finley is forever. Sam Axe
Sam: We will get her money back. I promise, Fi.
Fiona: If we don't, I will shoot him… and then I'll shoot you! Fiona Glenanne
Emily: That plan sounds insane.
Fiona: Well, insane is one of our specialties! Fiona Glenanne
Emily: Do you have like a manual where you get this stuff or something?
Sam: Heh, no. Mostly we just make it up as we go. Sam Axe
412  – Guilty as Charged (7)
I have to say Michael… I hate it when my friends kill each other. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: You'll get yourself killed!
Fiona: Well, I'll bring your mom. Jesse might shoot me but there's no way he'd take her on. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: You smoked an entire pack in an hour! Do you have any idea how bad that is for you?
Madeline: Probably better for my health than waiting around for some burned spy with a grudge. Do you think Jesse will ever show? Madeline Westen
Just hear her out. I've been bakin' in this sun for an hour. I'm tired. I'm out of cigarettes and I'm not going to be hauling my ass all over Miami looking for you any more. If you don't like what she has to say, then… I don't know… shoot her. Shoot both of us. Madeline Westen
That's all really touching Fi; but, I'm not like you guys. You wanna help Michael? You tell him to watch his back. Jesse Porter
You wanna' have your meeting with Barrett, that's fine. You do what you gotta' do. But, as far as you and me go… I make no promises. Jesse Porter
Oh, it hurts? Well get used to it! By the time I'm done with you, you're gonna' wish that bullet killed you! John Barrett
413  – Eyes Open (10)
(How did you do that?) It's called shopping Michael, we all have our strengths. Madeline Westen
Jesse: How are you feeling?
Mike: Not great. You shot me!
Jesse: I was trying to save your life. Shootin' through you to do it was just a… perk. Jesse Porter
Yea, he's a lawyer – I guess we shoulda' got it in writing! Michael Westen
Vaughn: One minute. Then you never have to see me again… ever… if you don't want to.
Fiona: Next time you show up unannounced, nobody will ever see you again. Vaughn
So that's how the devil disappears. I'm a little disappointed there wasn't a puff of smoke. Fiona Glenanne
I'm not as smart as you. I never will be but I'm similar to you in so many ways. When I see the world, what's wrong with it, twisted – there are demons among us. When I see something wrong I have to act. I can't help it. Michael Westen
Sometimes you just have to put the rabid dog down. Jesse Porter
Madeline: You look worse than you did when you got out of the hospital.
Mike: Yea, well… I've had a long week. Michael Westen
Madeline: Why do you do the things you do?
Mike: I don't know. I don't know if my reasons are any different than anybody else who likes the feel of a trigger on their finger. I wish I understood I just don't.
Madeline: Whatever. Michael Westen
Madeline: Yea. I mean maybe you've got some repressed crap. You know, rage about how it was for you when you were a kid, or the things you've seen: or, I don't know, maybe this is just how you fit into the world. Whatever. What I'm saying is: in the end it doesn't matter – you're one of the good guys Michael – and I'm proud of you. Madeline Westen
414  – Hot Property (17)
Yep, I know how you feel. But you know what always cheers me up? Stealing a chemical weapon from a bunch of crazy South Americans. Sam Axe
Can we do some recon that doesn't involve waving a gun around like a crazy person? Jesse Porter
I ever tell you that you are the reason I drink Mikey? Sam Axe
Madeline: Michael are you sure you want to go back to the loft? Your shoulder's still leaking!
Mike: I'm fine ma.
Madeline: No, you got shot!
Mike: Yea, but thanks to Jesse, just in the right spot. Michael Westen
I got a job a month ago… to steal something that turned out to be a chemical weapon. I need to steal it back. I know what kind of heat could bring down… and you, being the good people that you are, do not want a chemical weapon floating around. So I figure: we steal it, we destroy it – everybody wins! Natalie Rice
Natalie: Listen, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.
Mike: You shot an unarmed man – I'd say that's the wrong foot. Natalie Rice
Sam: Novachuk? Seriously? Compared to that stuff mustard gas might as well be cologne.
Natalie: Well, we can curse the darkness – or we can light a candle. Natalie Rice
I that a stroller?… Please, you're not gonna get 'baby fever' from me. Michael's too busy running around with a gun to take care of a hamster, much less a child. Madeline Westen
Soooo. You guys don't talk much during missions, huh? Natalie Rice
You should have him (Michael) come to lunch; because he's moody but he's cute, right? Natalie Rice
Jesse: What do we have here? A digital recorder. Are you recording me Marv?
Marv: I had to protect myself. Blackmail me once, shame on me. You do it again, yes Jesse, I'm recording you. Marv
Marv: You're about to ask me for five million bucks aren't you?
Jesse: No… yes. … You've done it before… you're back in the game.
Marv: Why isn't anything ever easy with you Jess? Marv
Sam: Natalie, you take that weapon and you're in a world of hurt… all hell's gonna' rain down on you!
Natalie: I don't know Sam. Twenty million dollars will buy me a helluva umbrella. Natalie Rice
Sam: Look, I let a psycho get away with a chemical weapon Mike. Who else's fault would it be?
Fiona: You didn't let her get away with anything. She bombed the road, she ambushed you with a machine gun – you survived Sam, it count's for something. Fiona Glenanne
Madeline wanted me to get you two guys together and since you wouldn't sit down with Michael and Michael wouldn't sit down with you… oh, whatever. You know how she is. Fiona Glenanne
Shut it! And sit down. Im so tired of this crap. I know enough about the lives you people lead to know this: if you two don't start trusting each other again – somebody is gonna' end up dead! Madeline Westen
Jesse, Michael ruined your life, got you fired. He was trying to do a good thing – get over it! Michael, Jesse shot you in the chest. He was trying to save your life – deal with it! … If you two are good, shake on it. If you're not, too bad – shake anyway! Madeline Westen
415  – Brotherly Love (11)
Hey, you know what it's like to have a screw-up for a brother. I'm taking the job, with or without you. Nate Westen
Hey… Jesse, can I get an invite… to the party in your head? Sam Axe
(We are stealing the list, Fi, not staging a coup.) Well, you know us girls, we tend to over pack. Fiona Glenanne
Nobody said stealing the list was going to be easy. We just need to make some new buddies – my specialty. Sam Axe
Fiona: If they're leaving from Rivera's place they've got a five minute head start.
Nate: They don't know it's a race! Nate Westen
Fi, there is not a lot of things I can do better than my brother but hot-wiring a car is one of them. Just get me inside. Nate Westen
Madeline: You mind telling me why there's a gun in is pocket when you promised me…
Mike: This job, his idea. And, by the way, you have two sons I don't know why you're only worried about him.
Madeline: Stop whining. I worry about you both Michael; but only one of you is about to be a father. Madeline Westen
Look Michael, I know you're never gonna go for the wife and kids in the house with the picket fence; but, I think Nate wants a shot at normal. I'm not sure there even is such a thing. But if he's got a chance, I don't want him running around with a gun chasing bad guys. Madeline Westen
Mike: You think you can finish this?
Nate: I already saved your ass once today – I can do it again. Nate Westen
Nate: I'm just not used to the idea of being a dad. I mean, what am I gonna tell a kid? Hey, here's everything NOT to do?
Mike: How about you with how you saved the Taylor's lives, and me too.
Nate: I saved your ass… twice! Nate Westen
If your kid turns out anything like you – I'm gonna be a proud uncle. Michael Westen
416  – Dead or Alive (7)
Tell me where my friend is or you get to find out what it feels like to be a casserole. Sam Axe
You've got two options: drug planter or organ donor… you'll be a hero… have a medal on your chest or a bullet through it. Michael Westen
Well Mike, look, just cause you read something doesn't make it true. You, of all people, should know that. Sam Axe
Stay in my line of sight will you? Every time we do this you act like I can shoot around corners. Sam Axe
I'm not sure there is much to explain. We had a deal and instead of honoring that deal, you tried to blow me up on a boat. I think the circle of trust is broken. Michael Westen
Justice and revenge is chocolate and peanut butter as far as I am concerned. Jesse Porter
Ok Pete that's fine. But if you change the plan again you will hurt my feelings and then I will have to hurt your everything. Michael Westen
417  – Out of the Fire (20)
Brennen: I'm gonna' go out on a limb here Sam and guess you're not the brains behind this operation… Did I go too fast? Are you lost Sam?
Sam: Don't take my silence for confusion Brennen, I was just trying to kill you with my mind. Sam Axe
A good general knows that his army is only as effective as his weakest soldier and a great general has no weak soldiers in his army. Tyler Brennen
The next one makes you dead and me smile; and I wanna smile Larry, I really, really wanna smile. Sam Axe
While I'd give my life for something I believe in, there's not a thing in this world that you'd die for. Michael Westen
You know what your problem is Brennan, other than this knife in your chest? You spend so much time thinking 10 moves ahead; you don't see the move right in front of you. Larry Sizemore
Ok, so I'm just supposed to sit on the sidelines and lie to the only people who are lookin' for the truth. Sounds like a Michael Westen plan to me! Jesse Porter
One hundred twenty-two thousand six hundred and fifty-four dollars and thirty-seven cents – that's how much I've spent in the last year keeping tabs on my favorite burned spy. Tyler Brennen
You mean my Michael Westen summer jam mix-tape? Indeed! Fun stuff. Vaughn ever gets a listen to you outing his little secret society he's gonna' kill… well, you and you, and Fiona, this new guy Jesse, possibly even mama Westen, Nate – how is Nate? I sent him a Christmas card and never heard back. Tyler Brennen
Hey kid! Ahh, I was hoping for a smile. Larry Sizemore
Comon – the Michael I knew would'a sliced a blood swath through that list. The Michael I knew would'a left a trail of twisted broken bodies lying in his wake, and the Michael I knew would'a done it all with a smile on his face. Larry Sizemore
When my mom was killed I didn't know the whole story for awhile, for like a couple months. Everyone was trying to protect me. But when you loose someone close like that the truth… matters. Jesse Porter
Mike: That's one more body than we need. We can do this without guns.
Larry: What in the hell happened to you?
Mike: My way's fun too. Michael Westen
Brennen: To Albert Machado, the first of forty-six money making opportunities on that list of mine.
Larry: To Albert, may his life be short and end screaming. I'm kidding, you've gotta' lighten up and enjoy yourself, I mean this guy is your enemy.
Michael: Enemy or not, we're planning an execution. I'm sorry if I'm not doing cartwheels. Larry Sizemore
Start talking or start loosing limbs! Fiona Glenanne
Mike: Why don't you tell me how you're gonna' play it – teach me something?
Larry: Oh, you say that like I didn't teach you damn near everything else you know? Tyler Brennen
Michael! There' no bonus points for being gentle. Larry Sizemore
Mike: We had a deal!
Larry: Well, I crossed my fingers. What are you gonna' do about it, huh? Geez, every time I come back here there is less of you in there! Larry Sizemore
You know, we used to talk about where we were going, what we wanted our lives to be. And now, the only time we talk about our future is when someone is coming to end it. Fiona Glenanne
But, I didn't do it for you. If I've learned anything from watching you and my son, it's if one little lie helps a family sleep easy at night, then, well, I say that's not such a bad thing. Madeline Westen
Mike: His organization has never faced this kind of exposure before. I imagine he'll marshal all his forces and send them this way.
Sam: So, the gates of Hell will open…
Jesse: The apocalypse will be upon us…
Fiona: And everyone we know and love will be in danger of becoming very dead!
Madeline: So what else is new? Madeline Westen
418  – Last Stand (23)
And by 'extract' I assume you mean: torture, interrogate and execute? Fiona Glenanne
Maybe this isn't your fight Fi. Just because it's my path doesn't mean it's yours. Michael Westen
I don't think you get involved with someone like Michael Westen hoping he's going to buy a house on the lake and settle down. Jesse Porter
Focus on saving his life. We'll worry about last words if it comes to that! Michael Westen
Save it Michael, you can apologize if we survive. Fiona Glenanne
We are fighting him off with breakfast equipment? Jesse Porter
Sam: You know, you helped me get to this guy before; so, same thing different day.
Madeline: It amazes me the things that become 'normal' to you people. Madeline Westen
I gave you a chance to be my friend. Time after time but that's over now. Now you're gonna' see what it's like having me for an enemy and so is your friends and so is your family. Vaughn
Sam: We need a leap of faith here.
Cowley: I didn't get where I am now with leaps of faith.
Sam: Ok, how about enlightened self interest. You move now it's the kind of stuff that will get in the history books; if not, history passes you by. Sam Axe
Sam: You get down to Homestead, you use cash, you hide out and we'll call you as soon as we can. Maddy, you don't do this Mike is gonna' kick my butt.
Madeline: Stay away from bullets. Madeline Westen
Dangerous to you maybe. I'm not starting a major investigation based on the paranoid fantasy of a guy who dresses like a cruise ship bartender and doesn't know how to use a razor! Bill Cowley
Cowley: So this is your plan – to run away along the sea-wall?
Sam: No congressman, since you're the one who tipped off the bad-guys I'd say this is your plan. Bill Cowley
Sam: We need to get around this local law enforcement. You said you talked to your intelligence buddies right?
Cowley: That's right.
Sam: Well call 'em again we need some help here… this is not a staring contest! Bill Cowley
Before we go any further I think there's something you should know. I remember how our last deal went; so, I brought along some insurance, just as a precaution in case you had something planned… I brought along a friend. Police found her along the road headed south. Say hello to mom. Vaughn
Vaughn: So, now… does being too clever for your own good run in your family?
Madeline: Could be. Does being a sadistic bastard run in yours? Vaughn
Michael: For what it's worth agent Porter I am sorry for what I did to you. I never said it, but I am truly sorry.
Jesse: Come on man. I signed up to fight the bad guys, right? That's all we were ever doin' so, we're in this together. You good with that?
Mike: Yea. I'm good with that.
Mike: You said it yourself Fiona. Maybe it's time you went your own way. Michael Westen
Put her in the car. Put her in the damn car! Grab a window seat mom, and you can watch me kill your boy. Vaughn
Jesse: What happened to all that wisdom about you and Mike having different priorities?
Fiona: Well screw wisdom. I belong out there with him… better or worse.
Jesse: It's probably gonna' be for worse.
Fiona: Well I knew that the moment I met him. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: What the hell are you doin' here!
Fiona: What does it look like I'm doin'? I am tired of you making all the decisions in this relationship. Fiona Glenanne
When it's time, we'll do this together. I was always so much better with explosives than you. Fiona Glenanne
Vaughn: It's too bad Westen, we coulda' been a good team.
Mike: I already have a team. Vaughn
Raines: Michael. Welcome back. Agent 'You' Raines
Cowley: The last time I listened to you I nearly got killed by a Russian wet-work team.
Madeline: And you came out of it looking like a hero. I'm sorry did you win your last election with 70% of the vote?
Madeline: Well, there you go! I guess that means we're really good people to talk to then. Bill Cowley
Season Five: 63 through 80
501  – Company Man (28)
Max: Is this seriously how you do things?
Mike: When I have to.
Max: How are you still alive?
Mike: Good question, I eat a lot of yogurt. Michael Westen
Just be the same unstoppable son-of-a-bitch I recruited. Agent You Raines
Glad you made it. I was beginning to wish I'd a brought a magazine. Max
Michael: There was a guard change at the front entrance. Isn't knowing that supposed to be your job as senior field officer?
Max: Isn't handling that supposed to be your job as operative extraordinare? Max
Mike: I'm just a civilian intelligence asset.
Max: Just saying, the way the boss talks about ya I'd think handling a few government security guards would be a piece of cake. I think he's got a crush on you.
"You" Raines: I can hear you guys you know. Your mike's alive. Max
"You" Raines: We're supposed to be wheels-up at the airport in an hour. Quit screwing around and get in there!
Mike: He sounds grumpy.
Max: You'd be grumpy too if you had a beard that looked that bad.
Agent 'You' Raines
Mike: Come on Hector we can do this the easy way or the way that involves an ambulance…
Max: They never choose the easy way. Michael Westen
Fiona: I missed you.
Mike: I got that, I think you broke a rib! Michael Westen
We're just out. It's been six months now – these mysterious trips around the world with Max. It just doesn't seem fair that he should get to have all the fun. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: Speaking of changes, look at you.
Sam: Yea. Back in my fighting shape – and by fighting shape I mean…
Madeline: Yea, we know – the ladies love it. Sam Axe
Nothing says welcome home like 4,000 pounds of mangled steel – right? Jesse Porter
I was, but now… I'm not. I quit. [You quit?] I quit. You know what it is. After everything I went through with you guys helping all those people, I just, I can't do the government any more man – it's just too much red tape. It's harder than you think – goin' back – you'll see. Jesse Porter
It means that if you're not gonna talk to me – you get to talk to Michael Westen. He doesn't get a government paycheck. He doesn't play by our rules. Max
[He'll see you coming] He didn't see me coming when I took down your entire organization – if you wanna' protect your family I'm your best bet! Michael Westen
I don't need to remind you I went out on a helluva limb bringing you back in. Agent 'You' Raines
Sam and Fi knew the classified intel on this op before you did! They are two more pairs of boots on the ground in a country that's not too friendly with the CIA right now. Max will have his team there – if you want my help I want MY team. Michael Westen
"You" RainesI forgot what a pain in the ass you could be Westen!
Mike: Yea, but I'm worth it. Agent 'You' Raines
Max: Hey guy's, welcome to Caracas. How was the flight?
Mike: Which one?
Fiona: It would have been better if we hadn't been routed through Turkey…
Sam: … and Spain, and Costa Rica, and if they had peanuts! Max
Keep your shop-talk down to a minimum; and, don't drink the water. I've got two guys on Jell-O and antibiotics so far. Max
Max: Don't blame him, we don't have the resources to secure the whole building. Hey, have a little something from the mini-bar on Uncle Sam as my way of saying I'm sorry.
Sam: Apology accepted! Max
Mike: I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Sam: Well, that make's one of us. How long is this gonna' take? I've got a half a bottle of Tequila waiting for me back at the hotel. What? They said not to drink the water. Sam Axe
He's not gonna' hear anything. That radio's so far down your ear canal it's tickling your brain. Max
Max: What's going on here? Do we have a plan?
Mike: No. I got some tactical goals and a rough approach. Michael Westen
Max: A rough approach? Oh, well, that's terrific. Thank God we got that, because we don't have backup, video feeds or working coms!
Mike: Welcome to my world. Max
You want out? I'll slow down, but I am NOT stopping! Michael Westen
You cover me and I can flank 'em and take 'em out through the woods… or… you can just shoot 'em. That works too. Max
People talk about closure; but, I don't buy it. Somebody blasts a hole in your life – it tends to stay open. Madeline Westen
Why don't you fix the Charger… nothing is beyond saving, if you work at it. Besides, then I can have my garage back. Madeline Westen
502  – Bloodlines (13)
Mike: Maybe it's time to just leave the past in the past.
Madeline: Maybe it's time to stare down the past down and deal with it. It happened, for better for worse; it made us who we are. All we can do now is look towards the future. Madeline Westen
Fiona: I could get used to this new life of yours Michael. The people who burned you are gone, you're taking vacations –
Mike: Yea, these vacations are gonna' kill me pretty quickly if you keep riding like that Fi. Michael Westen
Well, the balcony's big enough to lay prone with a sniper rifle but there's really no obvious place for my snow globes. Fiona Glenanne
Realtor: You know don't worry, lots of men don't really focus until it's time to negotiate.
Fiona: Well that man doesn't focus unless an international conspiracy is threatening to ruin his life. Fiona Glenanne
I don't see a wedding ring on that finger. My advice: keep it that way. Marriage is like a loaf of bread, it tastes great at the start but it goes stale very fast. At this point it's just one Barney after another. Carson Huxley
Hush now, talking's only gonna' make it hurt worse! Fiona Glenanne
Sugar: I got here as quick as I could – hospital grade amphetamines and phenobarbital. What kind a party you got goin' on in there?
Mike: Time to go Sugar. Consider us almost even.
Sugar: Hold on. I feel it would irresponsible of me to hand that over to you without a consult: It's gonna knock ya flat! – but in a good way. Raymond (Sugar)
Dammit. Don't tell me what I can't do! You can play your father in there, but not out here. Madeline Westen
If he moves – shoot him in his good leg! Michael Westen
There's a couple cardinal rules to this whole secret agent gig. First of all it's – secret. And secondly, you're the agent. Not your girlfriend. Max
Mike: Fiona got the job done.
Max: She scared him celibate, yes she did. Max
It's a gift. Improvisational jazz. I kinda' figure it's your style. Max
Mike: You did drive a hundred miles an hour down the Tamiami trail.
Fiona: My way of doing things doesn't work for the boy scouts. Fiona Glenanne
503  – Mind Games (16)
You're really hard to shop for Mikey; what do you get the guy who has, well, nothing. Sam Axe
I know you're going through some stuff; but half of you is better than all of most people. Nate Westen
Mike: You're sure it doesn't need medical attention?
Nate: It's name is Charlie. Your nephew's fine bro, he just needs a little nap. Nate Westen
Nate: Oh, by the way Mom, thank you so much for the welcome home meatloaf it's really thoroughly cooked and Ruth's gonna be bummed she missed it.
Madeline: Well, it's not every day she can get a pedicure. Nate Westen
Nate: So, how's Fiona? Mom told me that you guys are living together.
Madeline: Moving fast. At this rate they should be married by sixty. Madeline Westen
Nate: Hey you know what I was thinkin'. This would be a awesome project for us. Trying to convert your ride into a spy mobile. We could put a smoke screen button right here for high speed pursuits.
Mike: You know what happens to smoke at sixty miles an hour? It dissipates. Nate Westen
Nate: Look you know Vegas isn't the right kinda' place for me and since Charlie's been born I've been trying to keep my nose clean. I've been goin' back to gamblers anonymous.
Mike: Good for you.
Nate: Yea, it is good for me. But I was kinda hoping that you and mom could help me stay straight, cause family helps bro.
I don't think it's healthy to keep files on the people who ruined your life: Vaughn, Carla, Management. They don't deserve a place in your head or your file cabinet. Fiona Glenanne
Elsa and I don't use labels Mike – except: boy-toy. Sam Axe
We've always known you've been a little crazy; but, we don't want you going – crazy, crazy. Sam Axe
Jessica: You guys know I'm broke. I can't afford to pay you anything – unless you except free yogurt.
Mike: Deal! Jessica
I like that you're so confident; but, is that even possible?! Jessica
Carter: Sometimes you have to cause a lot of damage to avoid hurting people. Probably sounds crazy but…
Mike: No, it makes perfect sense. Carter
Nobody says what we do is easy Mike. Sam Axe
Mike: I don't want a lecture Nate.
Nate: I'm not trying to lecture you. I'm just sayin' I know a thing or two about addiciton… I'm not tellin' you to stop doin' what you're doin'. No one can make you stop… not until you're ready, and it doesn't look like you're ready.
Mike: What do you think I should do Nate?
Nate: I think you should see this through. Right, I mean either you're gonna find out that you're crazy or maybe this think with you being burned isn't over. Either way it's gonna' hurt. Nate Westen
504  – No Good Deed (12)
Barry, I'm saying nice things… don't make me shoot you. Fiona Glenanne
You keep playing the boy who cried: "Shouldn't we triple check this" people are gonna' start thinkin' you're a nut, Because you sound like a nut. Max
Finances run in the family, except Paul here – he follows the rules. Barry Burkowski
Barry: Bingo, enter black sheep Barry. I can't get an invite to my nieces birthday party but I got a call to this.
Paul: Not fair Barry. The last time I invited you to a family function you brought an escort! Barry Burkowski
You know that no good deed goes unpunished… you know the game: they steal secrets, we steal secrets it's all good fun. Max
You make it look too easy Westen. Max
Sam: Fi you shot me!
Fiona: Quit crying it's just a bean bag. Fiona Glenanne
Yea, I'm innocent people! If I get busted using NSA resources to help a burned spy with an unapproved mission they'll ship me off to Siberia and my wife hates the snow. Max
I once convinced a Turkish diplomat his house was filled with Methylchloridium. Max
Mike: Don't worry I won't be making a habit of asking for these kind of favors.
Max: No, no, no, no ask away. I mean the answer might not always be yes… but, I'm happy to help… never again. Max
Barry: Hey Fi, have Mike thank his CIA friends for me. I have spent my entire career avoiding the reach of the US government and I can't believe they saved this guy's butt.
Fi: You're just lucky he's working with one of the good guys – who's actually a good guy. Barry Burkowski
Oohh, my wife is going to be pissed. Will you say goodbye to her for me? Max
505  – Square One (6)
How many years of training did it take before you learned to curb your anger Michael? The man you are today is not the boy who left home. Madeline Westen
You should know this about me though: I've got a pit bull at home and I learned how to run an investigation from her… she is a very, very determined bitch when she wants something. Agent Dani Pearce
If Pearce starts poking around – don't forget there are no conjugal visits in CIA jail. Fiona Glenanne
You'd a been proud Mikey. Watching Ethan take his first steps was like watching a baby take his first steps only, you know, less adorable. Sam Axe
Jesse: It's: "I don't care how it felt I better see my car again, mike."
Sam: I know the feeling brother! Jesse Porter
You know who acts out of selfish anger? The Ramsey's of this world. And that's their weakness. And that's what you use to destroy them… you look Ramsey in the eye one last time. You go to bat for him. You convince him you are his best friend. And when he's ready to burn his whole life to cinders – you hand him the match. Michael Westen
506  – Enemy Of My Enemy (16)
If I wanted your opinion on how to run my business, I'll beat it out of you. Carmelo Dante
You rob him; he sucks the marrow from your bones. I like my marrow – inside of my bones. Raymond (Sugar)
Sam: Mike, this is starting to seem personal.
Mike: It's been personal since Max bled out in my arms. Since he told me to say goodbye to his wife. Michael Westen
I gotta say Westen. You are a lot more agreeable than the notations in your file indicate – just sayin. Agent Dani Pearce
Mike: We play it right, he hunts for the heroin and finds our drone instead.
Fiona: And, if we don't play it right we find out if Sam's bullet-proof. Fiona Glenanne
Pearce: Would you give us a minute? I need a moment alone with Michael.
Sam: Sure, I'll wait in the car. Three feet on the floor you two. Agent Dani Pearce
Fiona: How innocent do we want our innocent witness?
Sam: Well, injured enough to make it look like I was grazed by a bullet. OW, OW – but not so injured that the ladies mind! Sam Axe
Carmelo: Traditionally, it's the guy with the gun who gives the orders.
Sam: Ok, please put the gun down. Carmelo Dante
Madeline: … we don't have that kinda time!
Fiona: Just give me a second to narrow it down… you are as impatient as Michael. Fiona Glenanne
Mike: You don't leave your people swinging in the wind like this.
Manaro: Sam's not our people. He's not mission critical.
Pearce: Michael, I'm sorry.
Mike: Just keep these bastards off my back. I'll take care of this myself. Agent Gabriel Manaro
Sam: So what's the plan?
Carmelo: The plan is: my guys will shoot a bunch of bullets at the Serbs, the bullets will enter their bodies and kill them. Then, we check the cargo and you pray that my drugs are still there. Got it?
Sam: Bullets, dead, drugs – got it. Carmelo Dante
Jesse: Damn. It's like one of those nature documentaries where a snake eats the other snake. I can never watch those.
Fiona: Really? I love those. Jesse Porter
Minion: Who the hell is this guy?
Carmelo: That's Michael Westen, and he used to be a spy. Carmelo Dante
Carmelo: Seriously, I will kill you if I ever see you again.
Mike: Yea, I've heard that before. Carmelo Dante
Baily: Do you really expect us to make good on immunity for that bastard?
Mike: Actually I do because if you let him go to jail that bastard has no incentive to keep his mouth shut.
Manaro: We keep him out on the street… you really think…
Sam: Maybe Pearce can explain it to you. Ask her to talk real slow and you might get it. Agent Gabriel Manaro
Pearce: As long as Carmelo has a reputation to protect….
Manaro: Well that's just beautiful but have you heard the story he told the cops?
Bailey: The guy said he was at the marina with his buddies, for a picnic…
Manaro: Then Serbs attacked, outa nowhere.
Bailey: But luckily, Carmelo had the sense to bring all these automatic weapons with him to the picnic. You know, instead of food.
Manaro: This is the official story we gotta… this is what you're leaving us with…
Sam: Yea, well, it sucks being you. But I guess that's nothing new right? Agent Gabriel Manaro
507  – Besieged (4)
The guy's name is Zachariah, he's the E. N. I. C. – Extremist Nutbag In Charge. Sam Axe
Aw, don't you worry about a thing. I'm not here to kill ya – They're here to kill you… you need to go out the back. There's a tiny little woman in a Hyundai who's gonna' protect you. Sam Axe
Ok, I'll work as fast as I can but don't forget: this army may be fake, but the guns are real. Sam Axe
You both deserve a fresh start. I never got away from my husband – I always regretted that. Madeline Westen
508  – Hard Out (14)
Anyone tell you that your brand of espionage is hell on the nerves? Agent Dani Pearce
Go easy on him Madeline he still doesn't know that some couples do things besides fight multi-national conspiracies. Fiona Glenanne
Sam: Are you nuts? Were talking about robbing a weapons manufacturer. I mean, I expect crazy talk outta her, but you?
Fiona: That's not how Armand works. If we want his help we have to as he asks.
Sam: That's funny. I heard the devil works the same way! Sam Axe
Sam: I'll do it Mike, but you're gonna buy me every mojito I can drink for a month.
Sam: Good cause somebody's gotta keep Tinkerbelle here from shooting everyone. Sam Axe
Pearce: My bosses are willing to let me bring somebody else in. The only catch is that they're going to have to have a security clearance. Wait, you know somebody with a security clearance don't you?
Mike: Yea, but he's not gonna like this. Agent Dani Pearce
Jesse: I hope you appreciate this is my first day off since Christmas.
Mike: It's an in and out job in the Caribbean. It's practically a vacation.
Jesse: Spoken like a man who's never taken a vacation. Jesse Porter
You must be Fiona. As an employee of the U.S. Government I'm probably not supposed to say this but… Wow! Agent Dani Pearce
When it comes to his work, Michael takes discretion to a whole new level. Fiona Glenanne
Pearce: That is bar none the craziest play I have ever heard in the field.
Jesse: You don't hang out with him enough! Agent Dani Pearce
Pearce: No C-4, no thermite, no det cord – hell, we don't even have gasoline!
Jesse: Yea, you work with Mike you get used to doin' without the perks of government work, you know – things like: equipment. Agent Dani Pearce
Pearce: So, whats the deal? Why work with the man who ruined your career?
Jesse: Free yogurt. Lots of free yogurt. Jesse Porter
Pearce: Hey, for what it's worth, sorry we dragged you out away from home for all this.
Jesse: Oh no worries. If it makes you feel any better things usually aren't much easier back in Miami! Jesse Porter
Madeline: No big deal? You're asking me to plant a bomb!
Fiona: It's a smoke bomb. Timed to go off after everybody leaves. Nobody gets hurt – you know, except us if you say no. Fiona Glenanne
Madeline: Dinner is my treat. Benny sat through an entire stretching class with me today so I owe him.
Benny: It was a blast – in a I-hope-we-never-have-to-do-it-again kind a way. Benny
509  – Eye For An Eye (2)
Do you know why hell is scary? It's not the pain, it's not the torture or burning in a lake of fire. It's because it's forever… Like me! Michael Westen
Mike: He escaped prison and traveled a few thousand mile to get her back that should count for something.
Fiona: Grand gestures are great. Sometimes I think that it's the day to day stuff that's the hard work. Fiona Glenanne
510  – Army Of One (1)
Oh great, we're going to snatch a murderer with a couple of magnets and a roll of duct-tape? Sam Axe
511  – Better Halves (2)
(She is totally gonna kill us.) Probably, but I'm not a big fan of going quietly. Fiona Glenanne
(Hey, want a beer?) Nah, I prefer to be sober when risking my life. Jesse Porter
512  – Dead to Rights (5)
If anyone is used to being burned, it's you. Larry Sizemore
I've always looked on you as a son. but that ended when you sent me to prison. So, if you don't want to get shot in the neck you do what I say and then you cross your fingers; because, daddy is in one of those moods. Larry Sizemore
You really deserved to be burned for what you did in Chechnya. You watched me kill those people then helped me cover it up. Larry Sizemore
I didn't need to be a very good psychiatrist to know that nobody brings out the mad bomber in you like Larry. Anson Fullerton
It was just me and Management – two guys with a dream to use burned spies to carry out ops that legitimate agencies wouldn't touch. Anson Fullerton
513  – Damned If You Do (4)
Don't think of it as robbery, think of it as sharing at gun point. Fiona Glenanne
Don't look at me like that; it's unsettling when you are that sincere! Fiona Glenanne
I know you. The martyr complex, the daddy issues, the problems with authority all tell you to fight this. But you've got to realize how smart I am. Why do you think I'm so comfortable with telling you that I own you? Because it's true. Unless you are willing to see your girlfriend go to prison for the rest of her life you will do exactly what I say. Anson Fullerton
While there may be some doubt whether you work for the CIA, there is absolutely no doubt that you work for me. Anson Fullerton
514  – Breaking Point (2)
(That's crazy.) Doesn't mean it won't work. Fiona Glenanne
You've got to grow up and realize that you can't keep your dad from beating your mom, you can't save Nate from his demons and you can't prevent Max from bleeding out in your arms. Anson Fullerton
515  – Necessary Evil (1)
So I'm just watching, no kicking down doors? Fiona Glenanne
516  – Depth Perception (8)
Oscar just wants to go home; he wants to know his sacrifices meant something. He wants someone to tell him the nightmares he sees when he closes his eyes help other people sleep better at night. Michael Westen
Michael, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, but it's the things you don't know that can hurt you. Madeline Westen
First we have to get you someplace safe, hopefully someplace that doesn't smell like wet socks. Sam Axe
If they're willing to shoot me for you, they should be willing to blackmail a banker. I tend to work with people who are easy to manipulate. Anson Fullerton
If this thing blows back on me, there won't be enough scotch in the world to keep me off your ass. Agent Harris
You're motivated by something as generic as injustice… honestly? Anson Fullerton
Where did it all start? Why did 17-year-old Michael join the Army… There's a reason that you have to be everybody's white night Michael. You left because you thought if you saved the world you'd be safe at home. Anson Fullerton
Ironic… you wished him (Frank) dead and we did it for you. You're welcome. Anson Fullerton
517  – Acceptable Loss (2)
You know that Porche was a lease right? Jesse Porter
You (Michael) wouldn't believe how easy it is to make up good reasons for doing bad things. A guy like you, making a good fight his whole life, wouldn't understand. Ian Covey
518  – Fail Safe (1)
Fine we will sneak in there for a chat, but no explosives. Sam Axe
Season Six: 81 through 98
601  – Scorched Earth (4)
(You've got to be kidding) Ohhh, see that look? That look means he's not kidding. Sam Axe
What's a guy supposed to do when he see's his best friend heading down the path to hell, huh? Help you pack? Speed you on your way? Sam Axe
Believe it or not – we're the good guys! Sam Axe
Now sit tight. Believe it or not, this is the safest you've been since breakfast. Sam Axe
602  – Mixed Messages (5)
(You said she would ruin my life.) Yes, but in my defense, I didn't know so many people would be lining up to ruin your life anyway. Agent Tom Card
Come back to the office with me, get some yogurt. Agent Tom Card
Michael… please don't break it, red tape is brutal at the agency these days. Agent Tom Card
Oh great! Five minutes until the guys with guns show up – no problem! Sam Axe
(Gunshots NOT into his head) Ok man, my spanish is a little rusty, but I assume that meant "Yes." Jesse Porter
603  – Last Rights (13)
Nothing against the Westen clan… but I'm gonna be real glad when we get Fi out of the clink. Sam Axe
You know this breaks one of my rules, but I may just decide to like you criminal! Ayn Reeds
Ok Mike, you get the murderer. We'll get the "son of a murderer." Sam Axe
Yes Nate, but when you say things like that, try to pretend you understand how dangerous it is. Sam Axe
I get it Westen, but some things are more important than a career. You're not the only person who ever lost somebody. Agent Dani Pearce
If the price was right I could stage a Beatles reunion concert right here in the main (prison) yard. Ayn Reeds
Ok criminal. I can't promise that everyone's going to end up smiling but no one is going to end up dead – convict's word. Ayn Reeds
(I'll be fine) Really? Most people don't feel their heartbeat until it hits, oh, around 130 and by then you'll have swelling of the brain, subcutaneous hemorrhaging and you'll be convulsing so hard you won't even be able to dial a phone. Madeline Westen
Listen Mike, this is not the 'victory' call… this is the 'you know what' hitting the fan call. Sam Axe
(I said shoot in the air) You didn't say UP in the air. Nate Westen
I'm not killing you Ahmed; but, believe me, your life is over! Agent Dani Pearce
I wish you'd relax criminal. It wears me out just looking at you. Ayn Reeds
(Sorry.) Yea, well, this place changes all of us sooner or later – looks like sooner for you. Ayn Reeds
604  – Under The Gun (13)
How about we come up with a plan where nobody gets dead? Sam Axe
We took his phone and locked him in a trunk. You think he reported this with telepathy? Sam Axe
I'm taking Elsa to dinner tonight – what? One out of every ten is on me. Sam Axe
(Seeing Fiona's wound) Vicodin? I don't usually offer sale prices; but, for you, ten bucks. It looks like you need it. Ayn Reeds
They're lifers! They do contract hits to pass the time – just like some girls knit. Ayn Reeds
(You gotta help me) Oh, no criminal. Not this time. I might die in prison; but, I'd vastly prefer it be of natural causes. Ayn Reeds
(To hostage Sam) You know the problem with our relationship? I hate your friends! Rebecca Lang
(She's not getting away) Take it easy mike – this thing is being held together with duct tape.… Rock! Rock!… And, there goes the radiator. Jesse Porter
You see the industrial air filtration system? The chemical vats? That means our rednecks are either opening up a drycleaners in the middle of frickin' nowhere or they're cooking meth. Which means, after they shoot you in the face they're not going to be to friendly to the guy zip tied in the truck. Sam Axe
Mike. How bad is it? Is Elsa going to freak out? Thank God she didn't hit my chin. Sam Axe
(Rebecca) I know you better than you think. I know what it's like to save someone close to you by selling your soul a piece at a time. I know what it feels like to wonder if there is a way out. Michael Westen
Maybe it did (get here on time); or, maybe I'd see if I remember what trust feels like. Ayn Reeds
Alrighty. A little game of global manhunt – let's get started! Sam Axe
605  – Split Decision (11)
Yelling doesn't help! Sam Axe
Michael, take a breath. For the love of God, you are allowed to be human every once in awhile! Agent Tom Card
Don't get ahead of yourself… this is only a pre-disaster. Sam Axe
She won't even tell us where he disappeared from; so, for all I know he may have just wandered into the wrong section of Bed Bath and Beyond. Sam Axe
Putting him out of business would make certain middle eastern allies happy, which would make the agency happy which could make YOU very happy – it's just a great big circle of bliss, do you love it? Agent Tom Card
Someone just got their first lesson in cattle-prod safety – two hands dude! Jesse Porter
Don't get him started – I don't have any buddies at NASA! Sam Axe
If we die – it's on you, Evel Knievel! Rebecca Lang
News flash – it turns out your boyfriend CAN be everywhere at once. Agent Tom Card
Would you like to venture a guess just exactly who dropped everything and flew half-way around the world to make sure that (your death) didn't happen? So, for all the happy memories that you've made so far with Michael Westen, the fun, the excitement, the felonies … you – are – welcome! Agent Tom Card
(I could function without you) No joke Michael – best years of my life there pal. Agent Tom Card
606  – Shock Wave (27)
It's not very sanitary– but it'll stop the bleeding. Sam Axe
No… I'm NOT alright! I got shot in the leg! Twice in one day! Barry Burkowski
No, this is just a regular beer. It takes the sting off the fact that I'm gonna die. I've got to say that most days, it seems less immediate. Sam Axe
It's not the meat, it's the grease. When I was with the teams they taught us that any hydrocarbon polymer, like animal fat… never mind. Breakfast meat is magic. Sam Axe
Yeah, now there's only 3 people trying to kill us. Michael Westen
(What's the glass for?) We don't waste beer in my family. Sam Axe
Open up! Open up! Ahhgh, Sam No! Geeez! Who answers the door like that! Barry Burkowski
I trust you Michael, but if you let that weasel slip away again I'm gonna break out of here just to kick your ass. Fiona Glenanne
Seven texts, four phone calls and two cryptic emails all to set up an urgent cloak and dagger meeting in the woods. I think you enjoy being a spy a little too much Michael. I think you need a hobby! Agent Dani Pearce
Fine. You pick the team – but NOT Sam. If he's in the mix and we come up empty handed again every one of my bosses will line up to kick me. Agent Dani Pearce
[But NOT Sam!] It's the agency's loss. Sam is as good as I am – and, he accepts domestic beer as payment!. [I'll put a note in his file.] Michael Westen
[I need to dissappear] Honey if I had a secret door out of here, don't you think I'd have used it by now? Ayn Reeds
[You should be the one to find me] Oh, you're right. That kind of cooperation could knock years off my sentence. Damn girl, you're diabolical! Ayn Reeds
[What are those kids?] Ahh, this is kind of awkward Mike. That's what a party looks like. Jesse Porter
[Why not go to the FBI?] Well, I know, I would but except that if I did that they they'd go pick up my books and then every single one of my clients would have a matching set of bracelets – including your son and… Barry Burkowski
[You said those tax shelters were legal] Well, Sam! What part of that sounds totally legal? Tax Shelter? Barry Burkowski
[Will you be ok here?] Yeah! There's a "Real Housewives" marathon (on TV). I'll draw the blinds and stay in. Madeline Westen
Yea, you know, I'm more than just great hair and good looks Sam! Barry Burkowski
[Gunshot - How is it?] You're going to be fine. It's a through and through. If we live you can put a hoop through it. Sam Axe
[Nice warning system] More reliable (than a lookout). I've never met a cup of rocks that would betray me. Ayn Reeds
I can't die! I've never climbed Kilimanjaro, I've never seen "the Wire," I've never even had a four-way. Barry Burkowski
[Get the mortar] Is calling it that supposed to make me feel better? It's just a beer can with aquarium cleaner and sugar… Barry Burkowski
[Were you a quarterback] No, I was Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls. Barry Burkowski
[How does the Lord's Prayer go?] Come on you heathen. I've got a plan. It's just not a plan that I like very much! Sam Axe
[You're gonna blow up his house!] No, technically they're gonna blow up the house – I'm just helping. Sam Axe
Enjoy the moment Fredo, but I know where too many bodies are buried. I'll be out in a week. Anson Fullerton
I'm scared! Nate Westen
607  – Reunion (12)
When you play with a snake long enough it'll bite you. Fiona Glenanne
Well kid, look at it this way: you've already been shot at today so how much worse can this be? Sam Axe
You stop this truck and I'll shoot you myself! Sam Axe
(What are you doing here?) Besides bleeding out on your floor? I'm here to tell you I give up Rebecca Lang
You two are gonna spend some quality time together; and, nobody is leaving until every drop is gone. Sam Axe
Rebecca's not answering the bat phone – she knows to always answer the bat phone! Sam Axe
I don't care how big you are in Japan, you grope another one of my employees, and so help me, I will toss you out on your skinny-jean, rock-star ass! Elsa
He's your typical rich-kid screw-up, you know, if he's not partying he's in the back of a squad car. Sam Axe
Last time I called a print shop at two-thirty in the morning it was for fake IDs. Fiona Glenanne
[We've got guns too] You may not be a diabetic but you are one sick lady! Warrick
I (stole) it at the mall. Some dickhead illegally parked it in a handicapped zone. Like, who does that, right? Evan
Meet my friend: 'el ojo del diablo. I met him while I was chasing Noriega around Panama. In the villages, when there's a fight, both sides lock themselves in a room and they drink this until they're bonkers. Sam Axe
608  – Unchained (13)
I didn't threaten him! I asked him questions with a gun in my hand. Michael Westen
Let's make it in five (minutes)… we'll take my car. Sam Axe
I told you we'd get him… easy peasy! Sam Axe
If you're thinking of shooting through the door, please don't! It's me - Pearce. Agent Dani Pearce
I'm not much of a late sleeper these days – I must still be on prison schedule. Fiona Glenanne
Jesse! You guys were there for me when I needed it – I said I wouldn't forget and I haven't. I'll have cover IDs in the morning. Agent Dani Pearce
Look I know you feel responsible for what happened to Nate – but you're not. He volunteered for that mission because he wanted to do something worthwhile, something good, because that's who he was. Because he was a Westen. I'm going to do this because it's who I am, It's who we are – you can't change it. Fiona Glenanne
Oh, look who's hosting the party. It's Deja Vu all over again – that's French for "talk to my lawyer," just like last time. James (Jimmy Boy) Leary
(Scoot over) Oh, No can do boss. My ass took a wicked snooze. Do you think you can kiss it and wake it up for me? [Sam smashed his head into the seat and said: 'That wake it up?'] Yea! It did. Michael Westen
When I owe a man a drink, I owe a man a drink, you know what I mean – and were not getting it at a hotel bar. Jesse Porter
A toast! To new business, old friends… strippers! Jesse Porter
Grand theft auto is my middle name, right Robby? (For as long as I've known her!) Fiona Glenanne
You know what? I've noticed that things tend to blow up when you're around. Max
609  – Official Business (11)
I hate this so much already! Sam Axe
Trust me, it's like buying a car. They don't take you seriously till you're walking off the line. Sam Axe
If something explodes, we're going to have bigger problems than paperwork! Michael Westen
Come on, I need a beer before I start trying to pick this damn needle out of a haystack. Sam Axe
I'm gonna say this one more time: STAY out of my way! Michael Westen
If something explodes it's on you, I'm not doing the paperwork. Agent Gabriel Manaro
Fi, how does a weekend in South Carolina sound? It's not Paris, but there will be lots of guns. Michael Westen
[We'll support you] Yea, until she's no longer 'mission critical' then you'll run like scared little girls! Sam Axe
[You didn't have surveillance?] It's a multi-national computer chip company, we don't have authorization for that kind of surveillance! Agent Matt Bailey
The CIA has all the right people with all the right toys. Just say the magic words: "sell to terrorists" and those idiots will do whatever you want. Angela Flores
Wow! Job well done you two. I mean, we could a done with fewer explosions but bravo, nice work! Agent Matt Bailey
610  – Desperate Times (11)
Do you not understand that, in this office, I can tell any story that I want? Agent Tom Card
(I can call.) That's not good enough Michael. Nowhere near! Who do I call when your call doesn't come? Madeline Westen
Every mistake Nate ever made was because he wanted to be like you! He had no business being out there… He only wanted to help you because he knew how proud of you I was. I was his mother, and my job was to protect him from you! And I didn't do it. Madeline Westen
When it comes to explosives - I never kid! Fiona Glenanne
Well, if we live long enough to see that happen – it sounds really good. Fiona Glenanne
The exact same environment that forged older brother into a warrior, crushed baby brother. People just don't all break the same. Agent Tom Card
Michael is damaged, but he also happens to be a little boy who just wants to protect his mommy and his kid brother. Which means all the people he ever helped actually have to thank you… and Nate. Agent Tom Card
The only people I can send down to Panama are those already read in: You, Jesse Porter, Fiona Glenanne and a, Mr. Chin – whatever his name is. Agent Tom Card
One more thing Michael, and it's important. I'm way out on the skinny branches on this one; so, whatever happens in Panama – stays in Panama! Agent Tom Card
You're blackmailing a CIA agent without even batting an eyelash. Here I thought that Michael got all his moxie from his pappa-bear. Agent Tom Card
Don't get me wrong, Michael is damaged but he also happens to be a little boy who just wants to protect his mommy and his kid brother. Which means that all the people he ever helped actually have to thank – you and Nate. Agent Tom Card
611  – Desparate Measures (12)
Rico, I want you to understand something: either you land this plane or I land this plane. And I don't know how to fly a plane. Fiona Glenanne
Ok. After you Mr. Axe, I believe we have a castle to storm. Jesse Porter
The guy who just took 15,000 volts to save his friends is not the guy I read about in that file. Tyler Gray
Where I come from we do not execute prisoners. Sam Axe
You seem like a nice boy so let me tell you about my principles. If you don't do this and my son gets back another way he's going to kill you. If he doesn't get home, I will kill you. Madeline Westen
Fiona: Once the plane goes through the gates and hits the taxi-way I'll get Rico to open the doors and you run out and you hop on.
Jesse: Ok, and when the guys with the guns see us?
Fiona: You run faster. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: I've never been in a cockpit before. Do you know what all these buttons and switches and knobs are?
Rico: I'm a pilot – it's what we do. Fiona Glenanne
Nice try Westen. I know who your are and I know what you are. The only mistake I made was not killing you sooner. Tyler Gray
You know, if we live through this you should think about learning some Spanish. Tyler Gray
Grey: You know going after Card won't be easy. He sees around corners. He knows you, he knows me.
Mike: That's what I'm counting on. He'd never suspect that I'm working with the man who killed my brother. Tyler Gray
Grey: If I could take that shot back…
Mike: You can't, just… just help me get the man who gave you that order. Tyler Gray
Mike: I'm going after Card and I'll need help.
Grey: Do I have a choice?
Mike: You saved my life back there, you bought yourself a choice.
Grey: Well I got nothing better to do. Just flushed my career.
Mike: Careers are overrated. Tyler Gray
612  – Means and Ends (15)
Mike: Do you ever wonder what it would be like to actually enjoy an afternoon like this?
Fiona: I'm sorry, who are you? Michael Westen
Mike: I need a rest as much as you do FI, believe me.
Fiona: I'm glad to hear you say that, you've been getting about as much sleep as a POW lately. Admitting there's a problem is the first step. Fiona Glenanne
Believe me, questions are scarier than answers. Michael Westen
You know what I would like to do? I would like to march into the nearest police station and tell them that he's dirty; but, I can't because I am trapped in the world's nicest safe-house. Fiona Glenanne
Fiona: And you're wrong about Ayn - she's a good person.
Jesse: She killed a guy. Fi, so, as a person I'd give her like a "C" – "C+" tops. Jesse Porter
Sam: You wanna' help?
Amari: Help do what?
Sam: Smart man. Come over here. Always ask that question. I get myself into so much trouble helping people with stuff without asking what. Sam Axe
Mike: I just don't wanna' put you through something that's gonna' make it worse.
Madeline: Trust me, that's not possible! Madeline Westen
Madeline: Do you even know who he was?
Madeline: He was my baby boy. He liked cars, action movies and graphic design. He loved his family. His name was Nathanial Elias Westen. Next time you fire a bullet that could end someone's life – you know their name! Madeline Westen
Mike, I have so much more fun when you're here! Sam Axe
I don't know how you did it girl. When they pulled me outa lock up this morning and said I was free to go. I thought: "That criminal is stone cold magic." Ayn Reeds
Sam: Some times when you push people past their limits they realize they have no business standing so close to the line.
Ayn: Well good for him. He learned something that it took me six years to realize. Some choices we make, you want to take 'em back but you can't. Im just glad to have a second chance. Ayn Reeds
Madeline: I can't go on living in a place that reminds me of the sons I've lost.
Mike: I'm still here.
Madeline: I don't know about that. I need a new beginning Michael. And I want you to do me a favor. When this business with Card is over, I want you to start over too. Madeline Westen
We both know that it is a big bad world out there Michael and guys like you and me we make calls. We get up in the morning and we know the ends justify the means. Agent Tom Card
Fiona: He opted out because he's being an ass. Do you know how many jobs I've helped him with.
Sam: Ok, but how many of those jobs happened while you were supposed to be playing dead? I mean hell, the only reason I'm here is to keep you from blowing up a police station and blowing our cover. Fiona Glenanne
Grey: Westen was looking for people who wanted Anson dead. I think he knew you were on it (the list).
Card: Why do you think we closed the loop? It wasn't because Michael stopped sending me Christmas cards. Agent Tom Card
613  – Over the Line (13)
Sometimes there's a price to be paid no matter what you do. Michael Westen
If I don't forgive you, I'll loose you too. Im staying. Madeline Westen
Mike: This is a fight I can't win.
Madeline: Well you have two choices. You can give up now; or, you can go down swinging. Madeline Westen
I can get us out of here. You can kick my ass or you can hear my plan; but, you can't do both. Michael Westen
Well, I thought we were screwed 7 ways from Sunday but you can go ahead and make it eight and nine. Sam Axe
Put a flag on that phone. If it goes live again I want Michael Westen in surround sound! Agent Olivia Riley
While sacrificing yourself might help yourself sleep at night – it's not gonna' fix this! Jesse Porter
I have cuffs. I have guns. I'll let him (Michael) pick what we use. Agent Olivia Riley
There's a price to pay no matter what you do. If it's a choice between betraying everything you believe in and pulling the trigger – I'm glad you pulled the trigger. Fiona Glenanne
Riley: Ok, this time I want the truth. Who is Sugar?
Sam: Alright, fine. The truth is he's a two-bit drug dealing looser who used to be Mike's neighbor.
Riley: You got quite the sense of humor don't you Mr. Axe. I do hope a life in prison doesn't beat it out of you. Agent Olivia Riley
I hope you realize that this is the biggest mistake you've ever made; because, it just became my mission in life to put you behind bars – all of you. Agent Olivia Riley
Now that I've heard your side of the story I want you to know: I… don't… care! You are now enemies of the United States of America and it's my job to make sure you face justice. Agent Olivia Riley
Riley: I'll never stop Westen. I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth if I have to.
Mike: Then I'll see you there. Agent Olivia Riley
614  – Down and Out (10)
Sam: Didn't I get you a cargo plane last time I saw you?
Dixon: Oh, yea. That was easy to sell. I just put it on Craig's list and said "ignore the bullet holes." Dixon
Sam: I just need a little favor.
Dixon: None of your favors are little!
Sam: Ok, you know what? I'm done flirting. I'm not in the mood. Dixon
Dixon: Why do I tell you things? Why?
Sam: Because I think deep down you like me.
Dixon: No, that's not it! Dixon
We've got to get out of town – someplace warm with decent beer. Sam Axe
Schmidt: Spare me the desperate tale of woe.
Fiona: I don't have a desperate tale of woe; but, I do have three very well armed friends. Fiona Glenanne
Dixon you slack-jawed, traitorous Nimrod! That's your spy friend! I tell you I'm going off the grid and you bring the most radioactive man in Miami to my door? Fine, yes, come in – quickly. don't saunter. You're sauntering on purpose. You are repellant to me Dixon and are no longer welcome in my home. Colin Schmidt
Schmidt: All you need to know is that there is a big scary guy who wants to grind me into dust.
Fiona: Mr. Schmidt, there are at least a half a dozen things in here that I could use to blow you into little, bitty pieces. And I would use the dust to powder my nose. Fiona Glenanne
Schmidt: You're sending that psychopath here? Why am I hearing about this part of the plan just now? The part where my last remaining possession gets chopped up by machine gun fire then gets turned into a crime scene?
Sam: Because we knew you'd get all whiney on us. Colin Schmidt
Schmidt: You know what? I'm sick of being the last guy to know what's going on! What does the drug do?
Mike: It's going to paralyze your entire body and stop you from breathing.
Schmidt: I didn't need to know that. You know what I need to un-know that. Colin Schmidt
Schmidt: Did I die?
Sam: Do you really want to know?
Schmidt: No, Im good.
Jesse: Yea, you did – just a little. Colin Schmidt
615  – Best Laid Plans (10)
Schmidt: They're gonna walk into a suicide situation just because you ask them to?!
Sam: Yea. That's pretty much how we roll. Colin Schmidt
Ok, is anyone else at 300/140? Cause I, I feel my heartbeat in my retinas. Colin Schmidt
Mike: Is that book any good? I've been meaning to read it.
Madeline: There are no spies in it – that's a plus. Madeline Westen
Riley: Do you know what the bit for an obstruction of justice charge is? At your age, you'll die in prison.
Madeline: Beats ending up in a nursing home. Madeline Westen
Riley: You'll do hard time – the whole time.
Madeline: Last I checked, the CIA isn't allowed to spy on an American Citizen; so, I don't think I'll be the only one in trouble here. You let me out now or I'm calling my lawyer. And if you think I'd ever let you know where my son's gonna go – you're out of your God Damn mind! Madeline Westen
I'm helping you by calling you a douche bag – yes I am! Yes I am… Oh, no, no we have a deal Mr. Generous and I hope that you die in your sleep tonight! Colin Schmidt
Barry: The next time you set up a meeting with somebody in a doctor's office, just go with something easy like gluten allergy; because the fungus down under freaked me out.
Madeline: Good to know. Barry Burkowski
I assume the mike in this is working and you guys can all hear me. If I die today my ghost will haunt your children's children! And it'll be like one of those Japanese movie ghosts too. Calvin Schmidt
Yea, well, sue me for not wanting to screw over my manscaping! You know, hangin' out with your family is like having a venereal disease – the gift that keeps on giving. Barry Burkowski
A Toast: May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. Calvin Schmidt
616  – Odd Man Out (7)
Sam: Come on Schmidt lets go!
Schmidt: But I've got bad knees.
Sam: That's gonna' be the least of your worries if you don't move your ass! Calvin Schmidt
Fiona: For the record – I hate this idea.
Sam: Yea, for he record – me to!
Schmidt: I'm gonna' bleed out.
Mike: You got grazed, Schmidt. You'll bleed out in about two weeks.
Schmidt: Yea, if I get shot again I'll bleed out a lot quicker. Calvin Schmidt
Since when do we send people to their death to save our own asses? Sam Axe
Passports! Yea, you could call 'em that. I call 'em masterpieces. Jack Dixon
Let's do a little role playing. I'll be a customs agent and you be a naughty passenger. Jack Dixon
Sam: Here, can you shoot lefty hangin' three feet out a moving vehicle?
Schmidt: No shotguns please. They put me in a bad place.
Sam: What the hell good are ya? Calvin Schmidt
617  – You Can Run - 1 (16)
Mike: Are we friends now Bly?
Bly: Friends might have been a tad generous. But I couldn't think of a word that sums up our relationship. Agent Jason Bly
Michael, this isn't about what YOU get. It's about what your friends and your family get. Agent Jason Bly
Let me look into it. Trust me, Michael, life as my witness beats a four by four cell in some secret prison. Agent Jason Bly
What happened to the man who moved heaven and earth to get me out of jail when I'd lost hope? … We tried living our life separated by glass, it didn't work out. You wouldn't accept this fate for any of us, why are you willing to accept it for yourself? Fiona Glenanne
Mike: Sam you said it just grazed you!
Sam: Aw come on Mike, I've cut myself deeper shaving.
Madeline: Michael, there's no exit wound! Michael Westen
Sam: look I know it's bad.
Campbell: Honestly, it's worse than that. Campbell
Campbell: I need to call this in. You stay here – you die.
Sam: You listen to me pal. I'm not leaving. You try and save me here and fail only one guy goes down. You call it in it's gonna' be four! Campbell
Jesse: Listen to me. You didnt know my mom. You don't get to speak for my mom. You know what she would have said? "You never turn your back on your family."
Riley: These people aren't your family Jesse.
Jesse: Yea, they are! Jesse Porter
Jesse: Aghhh, you gassed me didn't you?
Mike: Yea, I did. I gassed you. Jesse Porter
Ah Mike, just stop. Enough of this "do whatever it takes" crap. That's your problem see? It's the stuff that you're doin'. You've got good reasons for things, but… you do enough bad things, you become the bad guy. Don't do it Mike. You're heading down a dark path, brother. Sam Axe
Bly: You don't look so good Michael.
Mike: It's been a rough week! Agent Jason Bly
Mike: How bad is it Sam?
Sam: Oh, it's nothing a six-pack won't fix – it just grazed me. Sam Axe
Hi Maddie. I guess we can skip the hugs, I'm a bit messed up. Sam Axe
Seriously? Wow, I am so disappointed in you now. You're supposed to be like this legend and you're coming at me with a good cop, bad cop play? Boo! … Ok, good cop dazzle me with your offer. Jesse Porter
Hi, we haven't officially met but you shot one of my best friends. Michael has principles about not hurting people, but I don't. Michael say's that you're a nice guy. I could care less. And Michael thinks it's wrong to shoot people – and I don't give a damn! Why don't you give me Riley's location now or I'll give you a nine millimeter tracheotomy. Fiona Glenanne
No, Campbell, there isn't! This is the only way to do this without blood shed. If I go in heavy, someone dies. It could be Jesse, could be Michael, could be me. Fiona Glenanne
618  – Game Change - 2 (6)
Mike: Sam, you're gonna' rest OR I'm gonna give you something to make you rest!
Sam: You're a stubborn son of a bitch Mike. Michael Westen
Madeline: Didn't your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on people? … Couldn't sleep either, huh? Madeline Westen
Mike: I'm trying to figure out what to do. Sam's too sick to travel and Riley is gonna find this place eventually. We can't stay here AND we can't leave!
Madeline: Now you know what life with your father was like.
Mike: How did you deal with it?
Madeline: I made a choice and lived with the consequences – we all did. Madeline Westen
Mike: I just can't do it like that.
Madeline: I know you can't. Your father couldn't do it either. Once he saw something he wanted BOTH ways he would just do whatever he damn well had to do to have it both ways. Usually it was the rest of us who paid the price but he was a genius at it. You got that from him honey, you'll figure something out. Madeline Westen
Well I'm just going to have to rattle her cage enough to make sure she does (go to the cartel). I mean, she's already loosing it, clearly. So, it shouldn't take much. In the mean time I could see a real doctor – which would be good; because, you know, I got shot! Sam Axe
Mike: Card is dead Bly! You wanna waste time investigating a corpse; OR, going after someone who's selling out the agency as we speak?
Bly: Ok fine. But what if your plan doesn't work.
Mike: If it doesn't work – it's probably because I'm dead. Michael Westen
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